


Hope (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

by Lesthetic



Series: ~INTERTWINED LOVE~ [1]
Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), liam payne - Fandom, niall horan - Fandom, zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Baby, Cute, Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Falling In Love, Famous, Gay, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Love, M/M, Olivia - Freeform, Pregnancy, Rape, hazel - Freeform, straight - Freeform, wishlist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 40,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesthetic/pseuds/Lesthetic
Summary: "Har-Harry please stop! We, we can do this together. Please! Don't go Harry, please don't leave. I'll break. Harry!" she shouted falling on her knees as tears rushed down her face. He was standing with his back facing her. It was good for him that she couldn't look at his face because he was a crying mess too. Killing himself a little inside, he walked away....__________________________________________________They were both broken. Their beautiful souls  were shattered to thousands of pieces. They were sinking in the deep oceans of their own troubled minds. Everyone thought that they couldn't be saved now, not after what they have gone through. But, but there was one option. What if their broken parts fit together with each other to become a beautiful whole? But what if they didn't? They could either fix themselves and come out as a brand new life or they could end up breaking more than they already were. Find more in 'Hope'....Warning: Contains mentions of rape, depression and self-harm. Do not read if you are not comfortable with the usage of swear words. Enjoy. :)*(Book one of the 'Intertwined Love's series)This book is edited by the amazing @zoekalen





	1. Y O U.

Book 1: Hope  
_From the 'Intertwined Love' Series._

**THIS IS FOR**  
Everyone who has lost  
Hope,  
Everyone who think that   
They cannot go on anymore,  
Everyone who think that they have   
Hit rock-bottom,  
Every single one who are  
Done with the   
Shit called Life,

**I WANT TO TELL YOU,**  
that life isn't a serendipity,  
But that doesn't mean  
It is an endless loop  
Of never-ending misfortunes.  
Happiness doesn't last forever,  
But neither does sadness.  
If you think  
That things can't get worse,  
Then understand that  
Now they'll only get better.  
So hope.  
Hope because hoping can  
Give you your light,  
Hoping can  
Help you fight your war,  
Hoping can   
Give you wings  
To dream for an impending burst of happiness.  
I don't know  
When you'll   
Find your happy moment   
But till then,  
Hope.  
Just hope.

-HalizaTomran  
or the person you can go to  
If you have a scarcity of Hope.

All the love  
H. xxx

 


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it's HalizaTomran here. So here's the prologue, I know its short and shitty but it'll get better, I promise. Hope you enjoy this book.  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_In Doncaster_

    She rushed to her bedroom with tears spilling from her eyes. She grabbed a pair of scissors and went to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was beautiful and that really, really angered her. With trembling hands, she chopped off her gorgeous long curls. After she'd properly done the deed, she looked back at the mirror; seeing her new pixie cut satisfied her a lot. She flicked a crooked smile, but the job was not yet over. She went outside and opened her large wardrobe. She pulled out all her frocks and one-piece short dresses. She slashed and tore them to shreds. Then were her high heels. She took them and flung them out of the window. She finally felt a bit more contended.

After a few minutes of tears, the door opened to reveal her brother who looked as if he was in great agony. "What the hell, Hazel?That high-heel struck me on my head! What are you even trying to do?!" he cried rubbing his forehead impatiently, waiting for an answer, which became abundantly clear when he scanned the room. When he saw the mess of a room and the teary faced pixie-cut clad Hazel, his expression immediately softened. He went and sat beside her on the bed and hugged her. He let his sisters head rest on lis shoulders as he felt her release some of the weight of her world.  She immediately burst into tears. He rubbed her back lovingly until she calmed down, and her eyes fluttered and shut. She is certainly not over it yet, he thought, but then, he couldn't expect her to get over it so hastily. His baby sister, Hazel Amelia Tomlinson, had been raped just a mere ten days ago. He sighed as he saw his beautiful sister sleep peacefully on the bed beside him.   
    Louis recalled what he had tragically come to know last week.. He remembered that dreaded night when Hazel had gone to a wild house party with her friend in the middle of nowhere. That night, Hazel had decided to walk home rather than calling Louis to pick her up like he did every other time, because he had been sick. Louis wished that she hadn't made that decision. He wished he hadn’t been ill. He wished she would have called. He wished.

On her way home, Hazel took a short-cut through the alleyway that they had cut through as kids. It had been way passed curfew and the night was already well-developed around her. A group of three grabbed her—grabbed her everywhere and before she could even capture a scream in her throat, she was gang-raped.

The next day when Hazel had still not returned home, Louis had got worried and called the police. They went to search for her and found her sobbing on the pavement. She told them what had happened though she wasn't  in any condition to do so. It has been ten days since the incident, and Hazel had spent every single one of those ten days crying and being completely disgusted with herself. She didn't want any boy to be attracted to her ever after that night. Louis shed some tears subconsciously. He couldn't see his sister like this anymore. He had to do something, but he didn’t know what....

_In Cheshire at the same time_

"Mom, I'll do anything but that. Why don't you understand, I simply cannot forgive him!" Harry shouted. His face softened when he saw the hurt expression on his mother's face. "I-I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed." he murmured and went off to his room. He crouched by his bed and hugged his knees. He finally broke down. No one seemed to understand him at all. His mother had been telling him to meet his dad and talk to him. Maybe she wanted him to forgive his father, too. Harry couldn't do that after what he had done to her— to them.Harry squeezed his eyes shut as it all came back to him.

It had happened a month ago. A month ago, Harry had a loving girlfriend, Lucy. She had been his everything: his sunshine, his love, the reason for his happiness. Everyone had loved the couple. They were so much in love—as much as two teens could be. Everyone thought that they would be together forever—everyone except Harry's father. Due to an old feud between Harry's dad and Lucy's dad, Desmond Styles hated Lucy to the core. That fateful night when Harry and Lucy were returning from a date, hand-in-hand, looking at the moon, Des had appeared in front of them, out of nowhere, and with a gun in his one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other, shot Lucy right in the head. As a shocked Harry saw his beautiful girlfriend fall to the ground, Des just laughed and walked away. Harry crouched beside Lucy. Her eyes were open. They were the same beautiful deep blue eyes which had made Harry fall in love with her, just that there was no light in them. Lucy was dead. Harry let the tears fall shamelessly and blamed himself for everything. He kissed Lucy one last time and called the police.

Harry opened his eyes as air wheezed in and out of his lungs heavily. "Harry...." he heard a familiar voice whisper and his head shot up. It was the person he had wanted to see so badly for the past month—

Lucy.

\---------------------------------------------


	3. Plans.

In Cheshire

Harry couldn't believe his eyes. He quickly got up. Lucy was looking like a beautiful shimmering angel. She wore a lovely blue dress, which matched the colour of her eyes. It was the same dress that she had worn that dreadful night. The smile which Harry had loved so much played on her lips.

Harry couldn't think. He didn't know if he should freak out or if he should cry out in joy. He decided to do the latter. He gently took Lucy's hands in his, only they felt like nothing. "Harry, stop doing this to yourself," she finally spoke. 

"What am I doing to myself?" Harry asked slightly amused. 

Lucy chuckled at him. "You're such a terrible liar, Haz! At least don't lie to me. I know you. I know you better than you know yourself. Get over it, Harry. Please stop grieving about my death. Live your life. You're young and free, and you have a beautiful future ahead of you. Make the most of your life. Find a girl and love her as much as you loved me; love her even more. Stop sulking because you have life—"

"No. There is no life after you. You were and are my everything; you can't change that. No girl will ever be you.All of this is not fair. You were not meant to die...at all." Harry interrupted as tears glistened in his eyes.

"Haz, by doing this to yourself, you're making me sad too. Remember I love you, and I always will." Lucy said with a sad smile and just disappeared into thin air.

Harry fell to the floor sobbing. Lucy was taken away from him... again. He didn't know what was happening to him. He sobbed and sobbed until he fell asleep.

Little did Harry know that there was someone listening to all this from outside. 

Gemma couldn't control her tears. Her brother had started to talk to himself. This incident had affected Harry so much that now Gemma could never even think of forgiving her dad who was subsequently rotting in a prisoncell. Suddenly the doorbell rang. She ran to get it. Gemma opened the door to find a smiling Liam standing there.

Anne, Gemma, and Harry's mother had filed for a divorce after recent events. She had met Geoff Payne, a widower at the library, and it was love at first sight. Geoff's son, Liam who always wished he had siblings was overjoyed to become a part of the Styles family. In short, Liam Payne was Harry's mother's boyfriend's son.

Looking at Gemma's tear-stained cheeks, Liam was filled with concern. He, being the eldest among the three of them, considered it to be his responsibility to protect Gemma and Harry. He walked into the house and pulled Gemma into a warm hug. They then settled onto the couch. "What happened?" Liam asked. Gemma looked down and Liam got the message. "Harry?" he asked again. Gemma nodded and broke down.

"Liam, to-today I was going up to m-my room, and I heard something, so I stopped outside Harry's room and...Liam, I think Harry is having hallucinations because I caught him talking to himself..."she sobbed. Liam couldn't help but let out a tear himself. Someone so precious as Harry didn't deserve to go through all this. "I think he needs a psychiatrist." she continued. Liam knew that it was the truth, and Harry did need to see a psychiatrist, but if they took him to a doctor directly, he would certainly assume that they thought that Harry had gone crazy, which would put him down even more.They certainly couldn't afford that. Then an idea made its way to Liam's mind. 

He said to Gemma, "We should think about all this and then make an informed decision. On a brighter note, I have something exciting to tell you guys." Gemma's eyes sparkled with eagerness. Liam pulled out a small black box from his coat. Gemma gasped.

"You're...You're proposing to Louis? " she whispered as she opened the box and revealed a beautiful band with 'Taken' written on it

Liam blushed. "Mmhm...Tomorrow," he said in a small voice. Gemma squealed and hugged Liam, obviously very happy for him.

Louis Tomlinson was Liam's boyfriend. They had met at an institution in Doncaster where Louis taught deaf and mentally-impaired people. Liam had paid that institution a visit when he had been in Doncaster and had (quite literally) bumped into Louis and the rest is history. Louis and Liam had now been dating each other for about three years and were maintaining a steady long distance relationship. Liam now felt that he wanted to live with Louis forever, wake up beside him, grow old with him, and thus get married to him.

He told Anne about his plan who then went into a fit of squeals after she had heard it. He had a hearty dinner made by Anne and after goodbyes and hugs, Liam headed home. He had a perfect plan in his mind for Harry which he needed Louis for. So the next day Liam was going to kill two birds with the same stone...

In Doncaster the next day...

Louis woke up with light falling on his eyes. He got up and looked around. He realised that he had fallen asleep in Hazel's room last night. He smiled at Hazel who was cuddled up to him and was letting out low snores. He untangled himself from Hazel and went to freshen up. He brushed his teeth, had a bath, and got ready for work. Louis worked at the 'Sunshine Institution for Mentally Handicapped’. He loved his job. He loved it for two reasons: Firstly, teaching these students and making them independent and equal made Louis utterly happy. The second reason was his boyfriend, Liam. It was at this institution that he had bumped into him. The whole place reminded Louis of their undying love which only grew as the time went by. Thinking of Liam, Louis felt a hole in his chest as he realized that he missed his boyfriend too much.

Humming a tune under his breath, Louis drove to the school. As he went in, he was greeted by a number of signed 'good morning's’ and 'how are you's’. He made his way to the classroom consisting of tiny toddlers. Smiling at the young, eager faces, Louis began to teach (which mainly consisted of shapes and colouring)...

After three hours and teaching three classes of ecstatic students...

Louis heaved a sigh and stepped out of the school. He was exhausted after teaching three batches of over-energetic toddlers. Good thing that today was a half-day for the students or Louis was sure that he would have fainted right there and then. All he wanted right now was Liam, and Liam only. He walked out of the school building and started walking home. Just then he realized that a car was following close behind. He tensed a little and started walking a bit faster. The car sped up too. When it came right beside him, the car window rolled down and a quite dangerous- looking man spoke to Louis.

,"Get in the car. Don't try to protest because I have a gun." Louis panicked. What was he supposed to do? This was kidnapping in broad daylight! With shaky steps, he obeyed for he feared for his life.

After a few minutes of driving in silence, Louis spoke up,"Y-you let me go this instant.leave me at this instance. You don't know my boyfriend. He will kill you if he knew that you were kidnapping me."

"Shut up!" the driver spat, and Louis became silent. Oh, what was happening to him?  
  
  



	4. Good News and Decisions

_"Shut up" the driver spat and Louis fell silent. Oh, what was happening to him?!_

The car stopped. The man blindfolded Louis and dragged him outside. Louis was very scared and that was an understatement. The man stopped, and Louis stopped too. After a few moments, Louis's blindfold fell, and he saw an unexpected sight. He was on a wooden bridge on a river. The bridge was decorated with MANY flowers and the best part was that standing in front of him with open arms was a very handsome looking Liam. Louis couldn't believe his eyes. He leaped into his boyfriend's arms and broke down. "L-li, there is a, a man w-who kidnapped me and he, he...Oh I'm so glad you're here Li..", Louis sobbed. To his very surprise, Liam laughed. Louis looked at him puzzled to a great extent.

Liam spoke up," That wasn't any 'man'. He is my bodyguard, Paul. I told him to pick you up from the school, but I guess he decided to have some fun." Liam laughed again, and oh, Louis was SO angry. He was glad that this was just a joke but then he was furious because he had almost been scared to death. He hit Liam's chest playfully, but he couldn't help laughing with him.

After they both had calmed down, Liam took Louis's hands in his. The air grew serious. Louis could sense that his boyfriend was nervous about something. In a tender voice he asked,"What's the matter Liam?" Liam sighed. It’s now or never, he thought to himself.

Then he started off with a hammering heart," Louis, you know when I think about you, what comes to my mind?" Louis shook his head. Liam continued,"I remember that goofy smile that you had given to me the first time we met. I cannot believe how far we've come. I was a sad small-scale singer three years back and now I need bodyguards! And you used to be this sassy boy who couldn't believe in himself and now you've become so great. All this, I think happened because we had each other.

Louis Tomlinson I'm addicted to you. You are my stone and these distances between us are unbearable. I want to wake up everyday beside you. I can't bear to think that you may find someone better than me. And so to change that, I want to change what’s between us." Louis was puzzled more. Just then, Liam got on one knee. Louis gasped. He couldn't believe all this. Tears brimmed in his eyes and his hand went subconsciously to his mouth. "W-will you marry me Louis? " Liam asked pulling out the ring in his coat pocket. Louis purposely changed his expression to a stern one. Liam's heart gave an unpleasant jolt.

"Get up Liam." Louis said coldly. Liam obeyed him. "Come closer." Louis ordered. Shaking a bit Liam stepped closer to Louis. Louis raised his hand. Liam squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for Louis's raised arm to land on his cheek harshly, but instead, it was placed gently on Liam's cheek and a pair of lips crashed on his. Liam's eyes shot open. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He kissed Louis back passionately as his hand went around his boyfriend's waist. When the kiss ended, Louis said,"Of course, Liam. I need you as much as you need me, and why wouldn't anyone want to get married to THE Liam Payne?" Liam smiled and slipped the ring onto Louis's finger. He was so happy right now, they both were.

Liam and Louis headed to the café nearby. As they sat in the car, there were thousands of screaming fans due to Liam's popularity and more now due to the beautiful addition to Louis's finger. It didn't bother Louis anymore as the paparazzi always tried to dish out information from Louis's life because Liam was his boyfriend.  There was another reason to this too, which was that Louis had a hand in writing many of Liam's songs and had sung with him in few of them. When they reached the café, they settled at the farthest table possible. After ordering their coffees, Liam finally spoke up,"How's Hazel now?" Louis's face immediately saddened. He looked down, twirling the ring in his on finger. He murmured,"Bad. And Harry?" Now it was Liam's turn to look sad. "Worse", he replied. Liam and Louis stayed silent as they both were worried about  Harry and Hazel. They both knew about their siblings' condition and it highly grieved them to think that they had to go through so much when they didn't deserve it at all.

Their coffees finally came. As they sipped on the warm drinks, Liam said," Louis, Harry....he's started to have ha-hallucinations.. Your friend, Niall, isn't he a psychiatrist?" Louis's eyes lighted up. He was struck with an awesome idea, which could work for both Harry and Hazel. Taking another sip of the cappuccino in his hand, he said," I have an idea. Hazel has been known to preform  miracles when it comes to Niall's clients, so we'll tell her that Niall needs help with another patient. Hazel could go stay with Niall for a month because that patient would be doing so too. We'll also tell her that the patient won’t be knowing that Niall is a psychiatrist. He'll just know that he's on a month long vacation with a family where Hazel is Niall's sister. That patient would be Harry. This way, if Hazel and Harry become friends or probably fall for each other in that one month, then Harry will start living again and even Hazel will stop disgusting herself and get a new life. It's a win-win situation." Louis was out of breath by the end of saying all of this. Liam on the other hand was impressed. He felt lucky to have a boyfriend, no fiancé, who was so intelligent.

"There's a problem though, Louis. If Harry finds out that we're cheating like this, he'll do something and then it would be HUGE catastrophe," he pointed out. Louis hummed in response. He continued," But we need to take risks. We can't let Harry or Hazel live in a broken state forever. It's worth a shot, I guess..." Liam nodded knowing that it was going to be a hell of a journey from then on.


	5. Some Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this story has quite some 'what do you mean's so just to make matters a bit clearer there are a couple of things you guys need to know.
> 
> 1\. The time in this story is all messed up. Like Liam and Louis are both 25 AND it is 2017 going on. Harry and Hazel are 20. Niall and Zayn (yup he's there in the story) are also 25.
> 
> 2\. Louis and Liam are dating for three years and Liam's dad and Harry's mum are dating for less than one month. Therefore, Harry does not know who Hazel is and Hazel does not know who Harry is. They just know that Liam is dating Louis and vice-versa. They will not know about their connection that way for a LONG time.
> 
> 3\. In this fanfic,, Ruth, Nicole, Phoebe, Charlotte, Félicité, Daisy, Doris and Ernest won't be existing. (Jay will already be dead 😢😢)
> 
> 4\. I know things make REALLY no sense in this story but please bear with it. This story is a work of pure fiction so there will be moments when you will be like "Hey that does NOT happen in real life." Guys, this is not real life. I have mentioned it before, this is AU (Alternate Universe.)
> 
> 5\. Umm...I don't quite remember anything else so but if I do remember, I'll let you know.
> 
> All the love,  
> H xxx

In Doncaster

Louis and Liam headed back home happily. Happily, yet very nervous for they were going to reveal the plan to Hazel. Louis rang the bell and waited. After a few minutes, a bedraggled Hazel opened the door. She was wearing some baggy joggers and one of Louis's sweatshirts. "Hazel" Louis hummed making Liam chuckle. Hazel didn't move. She stood there in the doorway. Louis whispered to Liam," Don't worry, she's fallen asleep." Liam laughed at this. Louis gently pushed Hazel, and she stumbled inside. 

"What the hell?" she mumbled and made her way to the sofa. Liam and Louis followed her inside and sat on the couch opposite to that on which Hazel was asleep. Louis shook her awake."Let me sleep, Lou!" she said in a groggy voice and cuddled more into the ultra-soft sofa. Liam couldn't help but coo at her.

"Hazel, get up. Louis has something to show you," he said.

Hazel let out a 'Li?'. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What is it?" she asked groggily. Louis showed her the ring. Her eyes suddenly widened and she gasped,"You proposed! Omg when?" She was feeling extremely happy for them both.

"A few hours back.  How are you, Hazel? I love your new hairdo." Liam said and Hazel looked down. 

Louis was quick to change the subject adding,"We have a job for you." Hazel sat a bit upright now and also a bit more awake. Liam and Louis told her about Harry, and she felt sorry for him, but she was not ready herself to help him in any way. 

"Liam, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm no psychiatrist; Niall is, and a good one. You should go to him. Sorry. I can't." , she said and walked away to the kitchen. Louis and Liam exchanged worried glances. They had not expected this reaction. They followed her. She was standing there with her back towards them. She was a bit hurt thinking that Louis, who knew it was very hard for her to be even within 10 feet of an unknown boy was telling her to stay with one for a month. 

Liam spoke up," One month is all I'm asking for. Hazel, you don't have to get attached to anyone. One month and that's it. You just need to give that boy a friend and then after a month, everything will end. Even you need a break now. You can talk to the University and study from Mullingar. Please, Hazel. We need another miracle." Hazel sighed. She knew what it was to lose someone special, she knew what it was to be friendless and she knew what it was to be alone even with thousands of people around. She had gone through it, come out of it, and she certainly didn't want anyone else to have to fight through it. She was not a cruel person. "One month and one month only," she said after a minute making Liam and Louis go crazy happy.

After quite some time and lots of social media at home, Liam and Louis headed to Cheshire. They had a greater and a much harder job to do now. Convincing Harry was going to be a much harder task than what convincing Hazel was. After a two-hour drive, Louis and Liam were standing outside Harry's doorstep. Nervousness was seeping through their veins. Liam intertwined their hands. Louis looked at his fiancé worriedly. Giving Louis a nod of reassurance, Liam rang the doorbell. A few running feet were heard and the door opened to reveal Anne. "Did you do it?" she asked and Louis showed her the ring blushing. "Awwww. Come on in guys, we've got a wedding on the way!" she said and made her way inside. Louis and Liam chuckled at her because they had been engaged for just some hours and Anne was all 'there's a wedding on the way!' They both went inside. Gemma and Harry were at the dining table drinking tea. They said their hello's and how are you's and all the other things. Louis and Liam exchanged knowing looks, and Liam got to the point. 

"Harry, dear, you should take a break now." Harry looked at him quizzically though he knew what Liam meant. "I mean that you need to take things off your mind now....before it's too late, that is. Harry, you mean so much to us and we do not want to lose you. Take one month away from all this, your current life. And I want you to start anew. Live a month with some completely unknown people. Leave all this back in Cheshire. I'm not ordering, Haz. I-I want to see you better, I want to see the other Harry who Gemma and Anne speak of so much. Please do it, if not for yourself, then at least for us..." Liam's voice cracked at the last part. Everyone at the dining table was looking at Harry eagerly. What Liam said kind of opened Harry's eyes. It dawned on him that by acting the way he was, he was hurting everyone who cared for him. This was one thing about Harry - he would do absolutely anything for his loved ones. Pretending for a month sounded alright to him. 

"Al-alright," he said taking everyone by surprise. He retired to his room. Liam and Louis high-five-d. 

Anne smiled at them and Gemma asked after a minute," I hope you guys have all this thoroughly planned. Who is Harry going to live with for a month?"

"Shit!" Liam and Louis yelled together. They had panicked now and a panicky Louis was a VERY hyper Loui-

"Liamomygodomygodwhatarewegonnado?HazelandHarrybothareexpectingthattheywillbestayingatNiall'splacebutweforgottoaskhim!Whatarewegonnado?!!We'redeadli!WhatifNiallsaysno?Omygos-

"Calm down babe. Breathe with me, in and out, in and out... That's right." Liam said. He was the only one in the room who had understood Louis's panicked blabbering. Anne and Gemma looked at them both bewildered but then they figured out that that was how the two boys were.

After Louis had calmed down, Liam and him went to the balcony hoping that it would be a positive conversation with Niall.....


	6. Oops...Hi!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back! How are you feeling today?! (wow that was SO lame) Just some short questions. Which is your fav track from Made In The Am? Mine's What A Feeling. Louis's voice in this song is so perfect (well it is perfect in all their songs to be honest), it somehow makes me picturize the fetus Louis singing it and I die on the spot. Enough of my blabbering, on with the story!

Liam called Niall up and put it on speaker. After a few rings, Niall picked up the phone.

"LIAM PAYNE, YOU PROPOSED?!"

Liam and Louis chuckled. "Yes, Niall."

"What’s up then?"

"We kinda have a problem..." Louis said hesitantly

"What’s that?" Niall asked cause he was suspicious now.

"Umm, you know what has happened to Harry and Hazel right?" Louis asked.

Niall replied with a "Riiiiigghhtt?" and Liam and Louis relayed all that they had planned and wanted to execute.  There was a moment of silence after which Niall replied," No waaay." 

"Niialll!" Louis and Liam whined together. 

"I'm just kidding, guys!" came the reply and Liam and Louis were sent into hysteric squeals. This was happening!

..............

After that it was all happy-happy for the next few days. Well, for Hazel and Harry's families at least. For both of them,  nothing was different. Harry felt so much alone, his loved ones had failed to understand him, but he was ready to go to Ireland for them. Little did he know that miles away in another room, in another house, in another town the same thoughts were running through someone else's mind. Two beautiful people continued to cry themselves to sleep oblivious to the ghostly presence of each other.

................

Doncaster

Today was the day. The day I'd be leaving for Mullingar. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. "Just one month Hazel, and it will be over. You can do it." I told myself. I heard Louis call me, and I dragged my bags outside. Louis and Liam were standing beside the car. 

"I'm so proud of you, Hazel...", Louis whispered.

I went and hugged him and mumbled," I'm gonna miss you so much" Louis gave a teary chuckle. I sat in the car and so did Louis and Liam. The car started speeding off to the airport. I looked outside. I didn't want to do this....

We reached the airport and there were goodbyes, take-cares and loads of waterworks from Louis. I went through the security check-in and all the necessary procedures and boarded the plane. After an hour or so, we landed. I took my luggage and exited the airport. I looked around searching for anyone who would be here to pick me up. Then I spotted him.  Zayn Malik. He had been Niall and I's best friend since around three years now. A smile made its way to my face. "ZI!!" I yelled and Zayn turned to look at me. He grinned and opened his arms. I ran to him and fell in his embrace. It was good to be back. I broke off from his hug. I asked,"What are you doing here? " 

He replied,"Niall of course. He called me and said he needed me to come here urgently as he had some secret mission to complete." We both chuckled at Niall's childishness. 

Here's a fact: Zayn and Niall are totally smitten over each other though they are to scared to confess it or even admit it. Zayn hailed a taxi and we took of for Niall's place. Here goes nothing, I thought...

Cheshire a day later

My flight landed in Ireland. I was searching for someone when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around. it was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed man standing there flashing a toothy grin. "Hey I'm Niall. You must be Harry, right?" he asked. Oh, so this was the person I was staying with. "Yes, I'm Harry. Nice to meet you finally." I replied giving him a small forced smile. 

"Come on let’s go." Niall said and led me to the parking garage. There sat a bike. Niall looked at the bike with admiration and asked," Isn't she lovely?" 

I chuckled and replied, "Yes it is." We sat onto the bike and set off for Niall's home. We reached it after some time, my hair all blown back due to the wind. Niall's home was beautiful. It had this cozy feeling around it, and I loved it. Niall rang the doorbell. 

There was a faint “coming!” from inside and then the door opened to reveal someone standing with their back facing us. Then that person turned around. It was a girl. No, it was a beautiful girl with brown hair in a pixie cut. The thing that hit me about her was her eyes. They were a beautiful, beautiful shade of blue, the kind which you could get lost looking into. They were also the same kind of eyes Lucy had had. I must have been staring because the girl snapped her fingers in front of my face. I was startled due to this and accidently dropped the open water bottle in my hand on her feet.  I smiled at her sheepishly. "Oops?" I said. She returned the smile.

"Hi!"


	7. Haz...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter I was going all about 'what a feeling is my favorite song but you know what, when I re-heard the album, I CANNOT FUCKING DECIDE. I know the last chapter was by far the worst chapter in the story when it should have been the best cause that's when Harry and Hazel meet so I'm sorry. I'll try my best and make this chapter as good as possible. Hope you enjoy it!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

**Hazel's POV**

It had been a day since I came to Niall's. It was nice to be back with my best friends. Niall had it all planned out. Due to the fact that Niall's whole family but him had shifted to London, he had had to bring fake parents. So now, I was Hazel Amelia Horan, sister of Niall James Horan. That day, Zayn, Niall, and I spent the time catching up. The next morning, Niall woke me telling me that he was going to pick that boy up from the airport. Believe me, I was so nervous. I wanted to go back home at that very instance. What if something happened to me...again? I couldn't live with myself then. I was so scared. Zayn must have noticed that because he came and hugged me from behind. If it had been someone other than Zayn, Niall, Liam or Louis, then I would have probably screamed right here and now, but knowing that familiar embrace, I just flinched. Zayn sighed and came and stood beside me by the kitchen counter.

"It's gonna be fine Hazel.." he mumbled. I just nodded; I was not going to get convinced like this. After what had happened, I just could not go and throw my trust at any boy who came in my life. Just then the doorbell rang. Shit, he was here.

I yelled a 'coming', and Zayn and I scurried to open the door. I opened the door just as Zayn tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, but then I realized that I probably made a very horrible first impression by welcoming the boy home with my back towards him. I turned around yet again and was met with probably the world's most beautiful, captivating eyes.  We stared at each other for a while, looking into each other's eyes. Zayn cleared his throat, and I was torn from my thoughts. I snapped my fingers in front of the boy's face, and he came back to planet earth. He seemed so startled that he dropped his water bottle on my feet spilling its contents.

"Oops?" he said sheepishly, and god he looked so cute!   
A wonderful crimson came over my cheeks, and I replied with a "Hi!". I reckon my voice came out more high pitched than it is normally. I was so embarrassed.. I heard a low chuckle come from him as we entered the house. We all went to the living room and settled onto the couch.   
"Hey, Harry. I guess you already know, but I'm Niall Horan. This is Hazel Amelia Horan, my sister." Niall said pointing to me. I waved a little while Harry gave me a perfect dimpled smile, which made me swoon over him.

"Who's he?" Harry asked looking at Zayn.

I had a sudden idea and before anyone said anything, I blurted out,"He's Niall's boyfriend. " Niall and Zayn stared at me giving me death glares as a blush crept onto their faces.

Harry shrugged and mumbled a 'nice to meet you'. I showed him around the house and where he would be sleeping. He took a particular liking to the window seat at the landing of the stairs. I showed him his room and he decided that he needed to take a nap.

Everything was perfect, and I hoped it stayed that way...

 **Harry's POV**  
I woke up after a long time in a very unfamiliar bed. Then I remembered that I was at Niall's. The ghost of a smile crept onto my face as I realized that this was in such close resemblance with a incident that had happened when Lucy was not dead...

- **Flashback** -

I woke up in a very unfamiliar bedroom. I looked around . Nope, it didn't click anything inside me. Suddenly the door opened to reveal a VERY beautiful girl with long blonde hair and absolutely gorgeous blue eyes. "Hey, Harry, how are you?" she asked. Gosh her voice!   
"Umm, h-how am I supposed to be?" I asked. She chuckled and sat onto the bed on which I was sitting. I said," You are supposed to feel a certain churning in your stomach and a bad headache, and yes, you should be confused." I smiled. "I-I don't feel any-anything but confused. Who are you anyways and why am I here?" I asked.

She smiled and  replied," First, I'm Lucy Mathews. I study in the same school as yours. Yesterday we were at the party Fred threw, and you were drunk as shit so I brought you home. I'm sorry but I had never noticed you before." 

"No, its alright . No one really notices someone like me..."

"Don't you say that. What do you mean by 'someone like me'?"

"A-a nerd, a freak, someone so boring, the teacher's pet, ugly?"

And that's when I was pulled into a massive hug....

**-end of flashback-**

I went outside and sat on the window seat I liked so much. I looked outside as a tear rolled down my cheek. I took a notebook and a pen and started writing...

Moments

Shut the door  
Turn the light off  
I wanna be with you  
I wanna feel your love  
I wanna lay beside you  
I cannot hide this  
Even though I try

Heart beats harder  
Time escapes me  
Trembling hands  
Touch skin  
It makes this harder  
And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life  
For one more day  
If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

Close the door  
Throw the key  
Don't wanna be reminded  
Don't wanna be seen  
Don't wanna be without you  
My judgment's clouded  
Like tonight's sky

Hands are silent  
Voice is numb  
Try to scream out my lungs  
It makes this harder  
And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life  
For one more day  
If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

Flashing lights in my mind  
Going back to the time  
Playing games in the street  
Kicking balls with my feet  
There's a numb in my toes  
Standing close to the edge  
There's a pile of my clothes  
At the end of your bed  
As I feel myself fall  
Make a joke of it all

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moments  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

"You know, giving up is never an option..." I heard a sweet voice say, and I looked up. Hazel. She came and sat in front of me. "You write beautiful songs, by the way. Yet, don't give up." she said. I couldn't help but get angry. Who was she to say this? What did she know about what I was feeling? How could I not blame myself after what happened? A hurt expression came over my face as I voiced my thoughts. An unexpected reaction came from her. Her beautiful, beautiful eyes filled with tears.

"Harry, I'm not that kind of person who just preaches. I have been through this and you know what, I came out of it too.....kinda. Don't be judgmental and think about me like that..." she said. 

"Oh" was all I could say. 

"Can I cu-cuddle with you?"

"S-sure...I gu-guess.."

That was when her tiny body crept to my side filling me with thousands of butterflies...

**A/N The shittiest chapter ever.**


	8. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is small but I love it. Hope you like it too.  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

Neither Harry nor Hazel could understand how they were surviving in the position they were at that moment. It seemed quite astounding to them both how they had managed to stay cuddled up to each other. Both stuttering around each other, blushing and all, yet not at all ready. At the current moment, Hazel was snuggled into Harry's warm embrace tracing his tattoos while Harry had an arm around her rubbing circles on her waist, which was very pacifying for Hazel. Both of them didn't say a word, though. They were VERY nervous to do so, it was evident on their faces. Niall and Zayn who were quietly watching Harry and Hazel giggled at their nervousness. Both of them -Harry and Hazel- were stealing awed glances at each other, quickly blushing and looking away when the other caught them doing so. Harry thought that he could spend hours and hours like this with Hazel. He did notice that Hazel was the only person who he had warmed up to so early; not even Lucy. It was something about Hazel that made Harry understand her, or more, want to hang out with her maybe. That something, Harry eventually realized, was the fact that Hazel was just like him. She was as broken as he was, he could see that in her eyes. He did not want to know what happened to her; just the fact that he was not alone and that there was someone who would understand him without him saying anything made Harry a lot happier than it should. On the other hand, Hazel was content because she was getting what she always wanted. Affection. Yes, she was insecure indeed, but something about Harry made her forget all the rules she had made for herself and throw her trust at him blindly. No one saw this except for Niall that this was a blossoming love. Niall and Zayn decided to leave the young couple alone.

Hazel took the pen in Harry's hand and started drawing on his hand. Harry looked at what she was doing curiously. When the drawing was done Harry smiled fondly at it. It was a doodled version of the word 'Hope'.

That is what Harry and Hazel both needed. Hope. Both had lost belief in all that was good and without that tiny ounce of hope, they were honestly going to be drowning in their own saddened minds. But both of them now felt that this, they both having each other was going to make things look up. The sun had risen with a bright new shine that day. Hope...


	9. I'm Okay...

Harry and Hazel didn't notice how quickly time flew by as they sat cuddled up to each other. When Niall called them to have some tea, they realized the large amount of time that had passed. Both of the blushing messes got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. The sight that they were welcomed by took Harry by surprise, and a smile grew on Hazel's face. Niall and Zayn were snogging. Niall was pressing into Zayn as he supported himself on the kitchen counter. Hazel cleared her throat and the new couple broke their kiss blushing the color of beetroots.

"U-um t-tea's ready, here you go." Niall said handing over the two steaming cups of tea to Harry and Hazel while Zayn scurried away to somewhere. Harry and Hazel laughed at Niall and Zayn and made their way to the living room. They both sat on the sofa and started sipping their teas. Everything was going a little too nicely, Harry thought. He stared at Hazel observing every tiny movement she was making. He saw how Hazel closed her beautiful eyes and first took a sniff of the tea. Then she opened her eyes. She scrunched up her nose and blew at the lock of hair that had come over her face. Then she took a cautious sip of the hot tea, letting out a happy sigh when the drink filled her up with warmth, but then it happened. Harry suddenly realized that Hazel's hair was no longer short. Wait, it was not even brown. It was blonde and long. And it was not Hazel anymore. She was Lucy. Harry froze. The cup which he had brought to his lips fell from his hands. This could not happen, not lucy, he couldn't be going crazy, Harry thought. Silent tears started pouring from his green orbs. Hazel saw this and quickly put her cup down. She shifted closer to Harry so that he was right in front of Harry, their knees touching. She gently held Harry's face in her hands so that her thumbs were on his cheeks and her fingers were buried in Harry's chocolate brown curls. Harry's eyes were unfocused and it seemed that he was not able to breathe.

"Harry breathe with me..." she whispered but Harry could not make himself do that; he could still see Lucy. "Harry close your eyes, please" she begged and Harry did it, but it didn't work. His eyes shot back open. Hazel brought Harry's head closer to hers so that their foreheads were touching. Her eyes bore into Harry's and that's when Harry found it. He now could only see Hazel's beautiful blue, and he got lost. He felt so peaceful. It was like everything around him had frozen, and he was swimming in a vast ocean. He pulled Hazel into a hug and broke down. He couldn't explain the feeling which he was filled with. He was feeling happy because of Hazel, he was feeling guilty for some reason, and now he was so so confused and he hated it. "Shh darling... it's alright..." Hazel whispered into Harry's ear as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. Harry calmed down after a while. Hazel didn't know what had suddenly happened to Harry, but she was here for him because, in just a matter of for hours, Hazel had an undeniable crush on Harry. "How are you feeling, Harry?" she asked."I-I'm okay."  


	10. A Realisation.

Harry quickly got up and went to the room allotted to him. He needed some time alone to think. Hazel was left alone in the living room to try and figure out what had just happened. Here's the thing about Hazel: after what had happened to her, Hazel had a very tiny amount of confidence. She had grown to believe that the purpose of her living was just being thrown away. And the way Harry had clung onto her when he was in a bad state and just walked away when he was a bit better hurt her a bit too much. With tears in her eyes, she retired to her room as well.  
The two older men were watching this from a distance. They didn't like this one bit. Nevertheless, the two went to their room. Zayn brought out his laptop and Skype-called Liam. They were greeted by none other than Louis. Seeing Niall and Zayn, an overexcited Louis had called for Liam (it was more like he had shouted Liam's name and yelled that he was having a heart attack.) Niall and Zayn chuckled at the child-like behaviour of the younger boy as a cross Liam came and sat beside him.   
  
"So how did the first day go?"  
  
Bam. The first question came a little too fast, Zayn thought. "It started off pretty well. The most surprising thing happened. Hazel actually let Harry touch her!" Niall said leaving Louis and Liam in utter shock. Louis quite well remembered how Hazel had instinctively slapped him when he hugged her the first time after that incident so this happening without Hazel having a full-blown panic attack was a miracle.

"Speaking of Hazel, that little sister of yours told Harry that Niall and I are in a COMMITTED relationship. Now we have to pretend in front of him all the time!" Zayn said. Liam noticed the sizable amount of decreasing happiness in Niall's mood when Zayn had uttered the word 'pretend'. How Liam wished that Zayn realized that what Niall did was not pretending and for the record, even Zayn was not pretending, but he left the subject for some other time.

"And what about Harry? Was he okay?" Liam asked changing the subject quickly. Niall and Zayn exchanged worried glances.

"About that...Harry kinda had a panic attack today. Like Hazel and Harry were drinking tea and suddenly Harry dropped his cup of tea. He was crying and muttering 'No!', and he kinda couldn't breathe. It was because of Hazel that he came back to reality. The strange thing is that Hazel seems to be the reason he initially got the panic attack, so I am quite puzzled at the moment. Liam, please talk to Anne and send me some pictures of Lucy?" Niall said. Liam was disheartened. Harry had NEVER had a panic attack before, then what was this happening? Was their plan not working? Nevertheless, Liam said yes. The four friends talked a little more about things other than Harry or Hazel or Zayn and Niall's pretend relationship. After a while, Niall and Zayn went out for a walk; they needed some fresh air. Just then, Niall's mobile vibrated. He saw. Liam had sent Lucy's photos. Niall thought that she was a pretty girl. After looking at the photos for a while, Niall realized something,something which made him go pale. Zayn saw this and gave a similar reaction. They had found the answer. If Lucy was given a pixie cut and brown hair, she looked VERY similar to Hazel. That was the reason Harry had had a panic attack. Hazel...Lucy...What a mess.


	11. Live For A Month

Harry was frustrated. And puzzled. He didn't know if ending up in a house with someone exactly like Lucy was a coincidence or it was planned. It could have been either, but Harry guessed that it was a coincidence because knowing Liam, Harry knew he wouldn't do such a thing to him. Harry's mind was all over the place. He couldn't understand what he was doing, what the point of staying there was when he would be getting a constant reminder of the very person he was trying to forget. He left a frustrated groan. This was not working and it would never work.  
  
Meanwhile, Hazel inside her own room was standing in front of the mirror. She looked different, and her new haircut had very little to do with this. When she pushed her hair a bit back, you could clearly see the healing wound. She lifted her shirt up and a big angry gash stared back at her. If you looked closely, there were wounds scattered on her body. This was not the only change visible. There was something different about her eyes. They looked dead. Hazel was broken out of her thoughts when her phone rang. It was Liam. She took the phone call.  
  
"Hello, Liam."  
  
"Hello, darling. How are you feeling?"  
  
Though Hazel could sense clear concern in Liam's voice she couldn't help but snap back.  
  
"Why did you call?" she replied.  
  
"Just casually. Louis has gone to a parent-teacher meeting, and I am so bored. How are things going over there?"  
  
"Well, it was nice to meet up with Niall and Zayn and....yeah."  
  
"What about Harry?"  
  
"He had a panic attack today."  
  
"Poor guy. He was completely broken after his girlfriend's death..." Liam was doing this on purpose, talking about Harry so that he could coax Hazel into telling him how she felt about him, so he continued,"My friend was telling me that Harry had locked himself in his bedroom for many days, and at first he refused to believe that Lucy was dead. He had made so many plans for their life, so many dreams....it must be really hard for him to be there."  
  
Liam had been getting on Hazel's nerves by talking to her like it was extremely easy for her to stay with Harry because it was fucking not. She snarled, at last, finally letting out all the anger she had kept inside for the past several days,"Dreams, Liam? To me, the way he is acting is kinda wrong. I understand that he had made plans, had dreams, and without Lucy, he feels empty but...but if he decides to move on, if he wants to move on then he can find another girl, fall in love, and complete those dreams. But what about me, Liam? What about me? Even I had dreams. Even I wanted to fall in love. Even I wanted to feel special. But can I now? Can you bring back what I lost? Can you bring back my purity, my chastity, my virginity? Can you do that Liam? Who will love someone like me now? That night I died, Liam. I died inside. What is left is the physical body which is a constant torturous reminder. Can you change anything? Can my dream come true now? No, it cannot. So just cut the crap and stop talking like all of this is easy...please. I just want to come home. I don't want to do this...." Hazel had fallen onto the floor, and it felt like she was finally breathing right. On the other end of the call, Liam was in a similar condition. He had not expected any of this because all he had wanted to know was how Harry was doing. This was going terribly, but he could not give up.

He took a deep breath and continued, "You said you were dead inside, didn't you? Then why is it hurting so much to try and live for a month?...

**A/N What should Lilo and Ziall do? Can you think of any plan?**


	12. She Didn't Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I'm literally shaking as I write this. Like, I'm listening to 'Only Angel' for the tenth time with my earphones stuffed in my ears on full volume. Anyways, back with the story!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_Then why is it hurting to live for a month?..."_

Hazel hesitated for a bit but then spoke up, "Because I am scared. I'm afraid that I'll end up falling for Harry by the end of this month, but he won't fall for me. He'll then get better and leave my life leaving me crumpled. I am not ready for all this..."

  
Liam felt a smile come to his face. Hazel had just admitted that she was sure to fall for Harry. He had been wrong; their plan was working, but he wasn't yet so sure. He had an idea though. He spoke up,"Look, Hazel, love is all about risks. Do you think Louis was ready to be in a relationship back then? No, but here we are about to get married! I know with the things that have happened in your life, it is hard for you to take this chance, but I think it is worth it. Go talk to Harry. Harry can't move on because he feels incomplete. Tell him you'll complete him for a month. Be his girlfriend. If something happens between you two in this time, well and good and if not, still it won't be bad. You just have to pretend for a month. You need to escape reality for once, Hazel..."  
  
"I'll think 'bout it..."  
  
"Just remember, there is ABSOLUTELY no pressure..."  
  
"I love you, Li."  
  
"I love you too, Haz..."  
  
Hazel disconnected the phone-call and changed her clothes. She looked at the clock. It was 8:00 pm. How long had she been there? She sighed and made her way to Harry's room. She had to get all of this over with. She knocked on Harry's door and waited. After a moment, the door opened to reveal a shirtless Harry. Damn. Harry was probably the hottest human being on planet Earth. Hazel couldn't help but swoon at his toned abs and numerous tattoos. Harry coughed awkwardly, and Hazel was broken out of her daze. Her cheeks flushed, and she stuttered,"Umm, I-I was wondering if...if we could talk or something? But it's okay if you don't want to, I'll lea-"  
  
"Come in, Darling," he said and went in. Hazel sighed with relief and followed him inside. She wondered how she was able to embarrass herself every time she was in front of Harry. When she entered the room, she saw Harry's abandoned shirt hanging off a chair, a guitar on the bed, and papers scattered here and there. "Sorry for the mess, I'm not that messy usually, but I need time to actually settle in you know," Harry said, his face contorted in utter genuineness. Hazel giggled at this and replied, "It's ok...I'm messier. By the way, what were you doing?"   
  
"Oh, I was working on that song."  
  
"With your shirt off?"  
  
"Everything is much better with the shirt off... it gives me better inspiration"  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"Could I probably listen to it or something?"  
  
"I'm a bit stuck...."  
  
"Maybe I'll help?"   
  
"Yeah, fine."   
  
Harry took the guitar in his hands and started singing. She was mesmerized by his voice then he stopped at the bridge. She internally groaned. "There's where I get stuck," Harry said. Hazel smiled and took the guitar. She read the lyrics. She closed her eyes and tried to feel them. She sighed with satisfaction when a perfect tune came to her. She sang the bridge with her eyes closed because tears were pricking them. When she finally opened her eyes, Harry was looking at her with tears swimming in his eyes. Hazel had made the part so soulful. Hazel gave him yet another smile. What she had come to talk about had been left behind, but at that moment, she didn't care...  


	13. Help me Help you

_But at that moment, she didn't care..._ __  
  
"That was awesome... you sing really well, Hazel!" Harry said making Hazel blush. No one in the world knew that Hazel could sing except for Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn, and right now, she had just, without thinking, shown her skill to a stranger. Being with Harry was in a way, driving her crazy, and she didn't like it because she liked being in control of what she felt, but with Harry, control was not what she was getting.

She sighed and continued,"So, I came here to talk.""Yes and that is?""Why can't you move on, Harry?"

"Because..."

"Because what Harry?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Cut the crap, Harry! You are going to be here staying with me for a month, at least help me help you!"

"O-ok"

"Speak, love..."

"Before Lucy, I was literally nothing and after she died, I am nothing. There were so many things we wanted to do, so many moments we wanted to live together... but now we can't."

"Who says you can't?"

"I can't because no one can replace Lucy. Nothing can ever be the same now."

"Tell me one thing, Harry. Why did you have that panic attack today?""Uh...because of you.""M-me?!"

"Yes. I saw you and suddenly your hair grew and turned blonde and you were Lucy. I felt like I was going crazy and... and."

"God! I-I can't... can you please show me Lucy's picture?"

Harry did what Hazel said and everything fell into place for her. She did look like Lucy. What a mess, but then it occurred to her that her plan would work a bit better due to this situation.

"I-I have a solution. I can be your rebound."

"My re-rebound? Hazel do you think this is a joke?!" Harry asked feeling flustered. He was not that type of guy. He continued,"To me, having a rebound will be nothing but an insult to Lucy's memory!"

"Harry calm down and listen to me. I don't want you to forget Lucy. I want you to complete your story with Lucy. You can pretend that I am Lucy, though I can never be like her, but we've got to try. I think if that story, that love, if it's not completed, it would always remain as something holding you back from moving on. "

"O-ok... And if I agree? How is this gonna work?"

"I have a strategy. I'll be your girlfriend for a month. We will list thirty things you wanted to do with Lucy but couldn't and will try to do them in this month. After this month, this deal will end and hopefully, we will remain friends..."

"Can I tell you my answer tomorrow? It's just too much thinking in a day..."

"Alright."

"Ca-can you ma-maybe sleep h-ere today"

"F-fine...."  


	14. The Wishlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I'm back!! I have tried a bit of something new in this chapter so please forgive me if it is crappy. Also, the thing that I wanted to tell you is that the beautiful, beautiful poem that is in this chapter (you'll read it further down) is written by ShivuBali. Do not DARE to use it anywhere else and if you do, ShivuBali and I will personally find you and beat the shit out of you...:P. Well go check her works out, they are AWESOME. Here are the links to her stories:-
> 
> 1\. Broken Crayons: https://www.wattpad.com/story/118866100-broken-crayons
> 
> 2\. Unsaid: https://www.wattpad.com/story/95938418-unsaid
> 
> 3\. Gone: https://www.wattpad.com/story/89719760-gone
> 
> 4\. being me: https://www.wattpad.com/story/95609112-being-me
> 
> 5\. Petal by Petal: https://www.wattpad.com/story/45757330-petal-by-petal
> 
> Check these out, I promise that you will not be disappointed. Well, back to the story!

_Clare, I need to go home, Louis is sick!" Hazel shouted over the loud music. Clare couldn' t hear her and continued dancing with a random guy. Hazel sighed. She typed in a message to her saying that she was going home, hoping that Clare would see it soon. She made her way through the crowd, out into the open. She could finally breathe right, but there was a certain churning in her stomach; whether it was the alcohol or whatever, she did not know. She started to walk down the road and she felt that she was being followed. An eerie silence was surrounding her and she couldn't be more uncomfortable. She knew that it was not really right to go down walking through a lonely street alone especially in the middle of the night, but there were no taxis that she could hail, and Louis was very ill, so he could not pick her up. Suddenly someone grabbed her hand and clasped a sweaty palm on her mouth. Her heart skipped a beat. Shit. She tried to scream, but no sound came out of her mouth. She felt herself get dragged into a car. Two men sat on either side of her and the car started. "Who the fuck are you and what do you want?!" Hazel spat as she struggled against the man's grip. "Oh, feisty. I like it.", the man on her right said making the others in the car snicker._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Let me go, you assholes! What do you want?!! Money? I don't have any at the moment."_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Do you think we want money, darling? We want something much better from you...", the man who spoke earlier said as he buried his face in her neck making her shiver in a very bad way. Her heart was thumping loudly and she couldn't think straight. She wanted to protest and scream, but seeing the guns in her kidnappers' hands, she kept quiet. This couldn't be happening to her, no. Tears stung her eyes and gently rolled down her face as she felt a pair of lips on her neck sucking at it. "You're so pretty...", she heard another man say. Her eyes were shut tight, she couldn't watch this happening to herself. Her hand came up in defence and slapped the man away from her. He glared at her and slapped her twice. More tears spilled from her beautiful blue eyes_ _  
_ _  
_ _"Alex, we're here," the driver said and all of them got down. They were three men. And she was one against them all. They dragged her to into the cheap hotel into a room. 'No, no, no, no, no...." was all that was going on in Hazel's mind. Alex, she guessed, pushed her against the wall as soon as they entered the room and kissed her hungrily. Hazel tried to fight back, but he was far too strong for her. He then put a blindfold on her and pushed her on the bed where she landed with a thump. Hazel felt hands touching her where they shouldn't and she begged and begged them to stop, but in vain. She felt someone reach behind her and pull the zip of her dress down. No..._ __  
  
Hazel's eyes shot open. She was breathing heavily and was drowned in sweat. She glanced to her left. Harry was sleeping peacefully. She got up and made her way to the washroom, stumbling and staggering as she walked. She looked at herself in the mirror. Disgusting. Ugly. Impure. Worthless. Unlovable. Hazel covered her ears, trying to stop all these words from being thrown to her. But she couldn't. She fell to the floor sobbing. That was what she was. Disgusting, ugly, impure, worthless, unlovable. A use and throw. And she couldn't bear it anymore. Sobs wracked her body. She was fading away and no one could do anything about it.  
  
"Shh, darling. I'm here, everything will be alright...' someone whispered in her ear. It was Harry. He sat down and wrapped his hands around her.   
  
She clutched onto him like he was her only life-line.   
  
He clutched onto her like he would lose her if he didn't.   
  
She cried and cried until she fell asleep. Harry took her back to the bedroom and laid her down. he settled himself at the edge of the edge of the bed. A moment later, he felt a body shift towards him. He wrapped his hands around her, falling into an unsettling slumber.  
  
...............................................................................................................................................................  
  
Light shone on her face. She tried to get up, but a hand was holding her down. Harry. She turned a bit to face him. Her mouth curled into a smile. Harry's curls had fallen on his face and his mouth was scrunched up in a very innocent expression making his dimples pop out. He had a protective arm around Hazel hindering her movements. Overall, he looked adorable. Hazel wondered if this was what Lucy woke up to every day. The door opened and in came Zayn.   
  
"Do you guys know how cute you both look together."  
  
"Shut up, Zi! Go to your boyfriend."  
  
"He's not my boyfriend. He doesn't like me that way..."  
  
There was a silence as the two friends stared at each other. Suddenly the grip on Hazel's waist loosened and Harry sat up. He pulled his hair into a bun and stared at Zayn and Hazel. "What?" he muttered when no one said a word. "Nothing. You should freshen up, Niall's making breakfast." Zayn said and left the room. Hazel got up and followed his lead. Harry sighed.  
  
After a few hours, with breakfast and everything done and Niall gone to work, Harry and Hazel found themselves sprawled across on the lawn.  
  
"I think we shou-should do that...the thing you were talking about yesterday...."  
  
"That's nice! So boyfriend, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, girlfriend."  
  
"So"  
  
"So."  
  
"Say something!"  
  
"Why are you doing this, Hazel? Whats in it for you?"  
  
"I don't have anything else to live for anymore.....Well, about those thirty things you want to do?"  
  
And this is how Hazel changed the subject swiftly leaving Harry more puzzled than ever but he left it there. "I think it will only be fair if you get an equal chance to decide, too. So we'll do fifteen-fifteen each, ok?"  
  
"Sounds cool. So what did you want to do first with Lucy?"  
  
"Have babies." Harry blurted out making himself blush. Hazel giggled. "Well it would have been alright but you need nine months for that and you're here just for one so you'll have to settle for imaginary babies," she said adding a winking at the end making Harry chuckle. He replied,"We should actually so that, it would creep Niall and Zayn out."  
  
"YES. I can imagine their faces. Hey, you never actually asked me to become your girlfriend."  
  
"Ok, so Hazel will you-"  
  
"Not like this, down on one knee."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes but nevertheless got up and went down on his knee. Even Hazel got up and stood in front of him. "Will you be my girlfriend?" Harry asked. Hazel smiled," I would love to."  
  
Harry dramatically fell back on the lawn and so did Hazel. They both couldn't believe that they had done that, despite everything. "So what do you do Harry?" Hazel asked.   
  
"I left studies a month ago because I work as a songwriter with Liam Payne. Lucy didn't quite like it, but it was always my dream, so I went with it. What about you?"  
  
"I am majoring in English, and I write sometimes, like poems, songs, stories and stuff."  
  
"Can I hear one of your poems?"  
  
"Um...yes, actually. There's one I wrote recently. It's called 'A Place to Hide.'"  
  
"I would love to hear it."  
  
"Everyone's yelling and tears flowing out of my eyes,   
  
Shattering hopes of touching the sky.  
  
I try to look for hope, but darkness is all that comes in sight   
  
I turn around to find a place to hide.  
  
And my inner-self screaming and asking me,   
  
Is there hope anywhere you can see?   
  
Is there a place you can find light?  
  
I scream and scream, but cannot find a place to hide.  
  
I can see myself falling deep and deep,   
  
Hoping peace shall I meet.  
  
I want to leave all my fears behind,   
  
And set off to find a place to hide.   
  
But I'm followed by these never-ending screams,   
  
It's like the end of a sweet dream.   
  
But my hope is all that keeps me alive,  
  
And I know, someday,   
  
There won't be any need for a place to hide."  
  
Harry smiled at the heavens above. "Be brave, Hazel.", he whispered.  
  
"You too, Harry..."  


	15. Baby?!

Harry and Hazel were subconsciously holding hands, brushing knees and just touching each other in some way since they started their "relationship". It was already noon and they had had lunch and were currently watching a movie with Zayn on the TV. As expected, they were cuddled into each other. While they both were deeply engrossed in the movie, Zayn was suspiciously observing every move that they were making. Something was wrong, or different at least. Zayn couldn't think of what had happened between the two of them who were so upset with each other just a day back. Something was brewing up and it was making him uncomfortable.   
  
After a whole Harry Potter marathon, Niall finally came home. He felt relieved that Harry had not yet asked him what his job was. Zayn was still on the couch trying to figure out what was going on between Harry and Hazel. Niall went and slumped beside him. They both spent a few moments in uncomfortable silence. They had not yet gotten over that accidental kiss, they weren't really in a relationship after all. Hazel and Harry who had sneaked into the kitchen found this to be their cue to come in. Hazel held an imaginary baby in her hand and Harry put his hand on her waist. He did not miss the fact that she flinched when he did so, but he let it be for that moment, and Harry and Hazel went outside. "Harry isn't he beautiful?! He looks just like you." , Hazel said looking at the imaginary baby in her hands.   
  


 

"His hair is like mine but I reckon he's got your nose...." Harry said touching the 'baby's cheek. Niall and Zayn were dumbfounded. What the hell were Harry and Hazel up to?   
  
"Guys, I hope you know that there isn't a baby in Hazel's hands..." Zayn spoke up.

Hazel's eyes started watering and in a wavering voice she spoke,"How dare you Zayn?! How can you say that there is not a baby in my hands? Can't you see?! And here I was telling Harry that it would be good to make you our baby's godfather when you are doubting it's very existence!" God, she's such an actor! Harry thought as he tried to stop himself from laughing at the overdramatic ruckus Hazel was making.

Niall got up, panicked. "I am sorry Hazel, but I really do not see any baby!", he said. Hazel gave the baby to Harry, sat on the sofa, hugged her knees, and pretended to cry even more. Niall and Zayn didn't know what to do. Zayn ran to the kitchen and brought back some water while Niall tried to reassure Hazel. Harry quietly chuckled at the mess they had made. This was the first time he had felt so happy in a month; All because of Hazel. Meanwhile, as Hazel continued to act and throw accusations at Zayn and Niall about how they weren't being good uncles, she felt a certain churning in her stomach. She was going to throw up. She ran to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. She felt a hand on her back and she looked up, terrified because only one thought was going in her mind. Niall, Zayn and Harry were in the bathroom. Harry looked genuinely worried while Niall and Zayn had the same terrified expression that she had. Only one thought was running through the three friends' mind. Hazel could really be pregnant...  


	16. Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, I am back! I just wanted to say, it will mean SO much to me if you readers comment on the story. It makes an author's day knowing that people are reading your story and it is actually getting them to think about it. But don't worry. No comments are not going to stop me from writing this story because this story is literally my life :)  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_Hazel could really be pregnant..._

**Hazel**

Nothing can ever go right, right? I yank at my hair and tears spill out of my eyes -not out of sadness, but more of frustration. I couldn't be pregnant, not now, not in this state. All the things that are happening in my life were never chosen by me, I've learned to accept them. I know that I am probably not pregnant, but I have this hunch that I am. I wipe my tears and freshen up. Niall, Harry and Zayn have left me to clean up and are in the living room. I trudge down the stairs, every step I take sending pain into my head. As soon as I enter the living room, Niall, Zayn, and Harry shoot up from the sofa and look at me with concern. Harry comes to me and gently holds my hand. For the first time, I hesitate. Is this right? I've just known him for a day or so, how do I know that I am not going to be left broken after this? Well, I do know that I am going to be left broken after this, but is it right? I push these thoughts aside with much difficulty and I somehow feel like crying. Harry is looking at me, I can sense that, but I cannot look back. If I do, I don't think I'll be able to keep up with my acting, so instead, I look past him at Niall. He looks at me worriedly and asks if I'm alright. I am not. I haven't been in a while, but I say I am. Being tired, I go back to my room. I lay on the bed, but I don't sleep for a while. As my headache subsides, I feel myself drifting away...  
  
I am woken by gentle shaking. I open my eyes. Niall and Zayn are standing by the bedside. I sit up and glance at the clock. It's half past three in the morning. Niall and Zayn both looked tired, and I think it is because of me. Niall hands me a packet. I open it. It is a pregnancy test. My breathe hitches. I look up at Niall, and he nods.   
  
After a while, Niall, Zayn, and I find ourselves on the bed again. I haven't yet seen if the test is positive, and I can't see it. I thrust it into Zayn's hand and shut my eyes close for I don't want to see his reaction.   
  
"P-positive..."  
  
I break down with my hands covering my face. I feel someone -either Niall or Zayn- pull me into a hug. He rubs my back but it does not help. This can't happen. Well, it shouldn't happen. I am done with this shit. First of all, the rape, then living here with Harry, and now this pregnancy. I am in such a stage that I don't want the baby because I am absolutely not ready for it -mentally as well as physically, and I also cannot have an abortion because it is my baby, my flesh and blood. In such a situation, what does a person do? I have no idea.   
  
"Hey, maybe the test is wrong. We should check with the doctor tomorrow. Fine?"  
  
"F-fine..."  
  
Niall and Zayn, after much persuasion, go to sleep finally leaving me alone. I toss and turn in my bed thinking over how messed up my life is now...  
  
Niall wakes me up the next morning. We have a quiet breakfast and he goes to his clinic. Harry, throughout the breakfast, stares at me but doesn't say a word. After a while, Zayn and I leave to go to the doctor telling Harry that we are going to have the stomach-bug checked up. Harry looks at me suspiciously but lets me go. As Zayn drives the car humming to himself. I sigh. Keeping things from Harry has already been hard. We reach the gynaecologist, and we get out of the car. My heart is thumping unusually in my chest. Zayn holds my hand and gives me a sad smile. We enter the clinic, and Niall, being a friend of the doctor, we get to meet her without taking an appointment. We go inside the office. Dr. Smith looks like a kind woman. She beckons us to take a seat, and we do.   
  
"So, what is your name?"  
  
"Hazel. Hazel Amelia Tomlinson"  
  
"Ok. What age are you?"  
  
"I am tw-twenty."  
  
"Just out of curiosity, is he the father?"  
  
"No. I-I don't re-really know who is..."  
  
"One-night stand?"  
  
"No, r-rape. Not to be rude or anything, but how are these questions related to confirming the pregnancy?"  
  
"I am so sorry dear. I just happen to be a very curious woman."  
  
I take a blood test, and Dr. Smith confirms the fact that I am pregnant. Something falls apart inside me. Zayn rubs my back, and Dr. Smith looks at me apologetically. "You are about three weeks pregnant. It was nice to meet you.", Dr. Smith says and Zayn and I head home. I ring the doorbell, and Harry opens the door. His frosty green eyes light up and he takes my hand. I feel all the worry leave me. Harry is so... so beautiful. It is a beauty that I can keep looking at, a beauty, I am afraid, I am getting used to too early. Harry leads me inside, and I softly smile. He shows me a chart on which he has written the thirty things that we had decided on the other day.  
  
"'Slow dancing on a fancy date today," I state. Harry nods excitedly, babbling away, and I realize that he is wearing space buns. So. Damn. Adorable. I gently lean ahead and press my lips on his.  
  
Way to go Hazel, way to go. You have become his 'girlfriend' just a day back and....wow, such great confidence!  
  
I tell my conscience to shut up because I realize that Harry is kissing me back. I feel butterflies in my stomach, and I am happy in a very unusual, un-explainable way.  
  
Kissing Harry reminds me of who I once really was. It makes me feel loved. It gives me promises which cannot be kept. It makes me forget everything around me and my whole world becomes Harry.  
  
But more than anything else, it makes me feel at home...


	17. Fuck You...Veronica

_But more than anything else, it makes me feel at home..._

**Harry**

Zayn and Hazel had gone to the doctor today. It was fine but something felt off. Hazel just threw up once, maybe it was nothing. It felt quite strange. For the time that Hazel and Zayn had gone, I made a chart of the thirty things that Hazel and I had decided to do. When they both came back, they seemed a bit off. I had wondered why, but then as I showed Hazel the chart that I had made, Hazel just out of nowhere placed her lips on mine. It came to me as a shock, but here I am kissing her back with my hands on her waist and hers around my neck. Kissing her is quite different than I had imagined. It's fresh, it's exciting, it's happy, it's addicting, and it makes me feel complete, which is something that I haven't felt in a while, but I can also feel other things. Hazel's lips tell me things that she doesn't say out loud. She wants to be loved. She does not just want to be loved, she needs to be loved. I can feel tears on my cheeks, and they are not mine. I can feel the desperation in the kiss as Hazel gently pulls at the hair on the nape of my neck. It's like she wants reassurance from me, a promise that I won't leave her, that I'll hold her, but I can't give that to her. This isn't meant to be a forever, right?

I am unable to love anymore.

And she is unable to be loved anymore.

We both pull back, with slightly swollen lips and hooded eyes. A tiny and hesitant smile finds its way on Hazel's lips. Our foreheads are still touching. She is looking down, avoiding my gaze. I bring my fingers under her chin and lift her face up a bit so that I can look at her stormy eyes. She's broken. Broken and beautiful...

We were going to do Hazel's wish today. She wanted to go on a fancy date. When I read that, I was a bit surprised. A girl like her hadn't been taken out on a date before?! Everything about Hazel is puzzling to me. She is an enigma, and I am determined to figure her out.

I find Zayn in his room with glasses on and typing something on his laptop. I go and sit beside him. I haven't really interacted with Niall and Zayn since I came here, so I don't know much about either of them. Plus, I don't live in Ireland, so I need to ask where to take Hazel on a date.

"Are you busy?" I ask.

"No, why?"

"Can you tell me some good restaurants around here cause I want to-"

"-cause you want to take Hazel on a date. I saw you two snogging. You both are terribly fast...The children of these days..." Zayn mutters, and I chuckle, a blush appearing on my cheeks. Zayn looks like a pretty cool guy.

"There is a nice diner nearby, you would want to take Hazel there." he continues, and I nod my head.

"What are you doing?" I ask, diverting the subject of the conversation.

"I'm writing."

"No shit, Sherlock!"

"I am writing a book"

"Oh, you are an author. Is this your first book?"

"No. I have written couple of them earlier. You might have heard the names. 'Snow Angel', 'Crazy'....ring any bells?"

My heart momentarily stopped. 'Snow Angel' and 'Crazy' were my all time favourite books and their author was sitting right in front of me. Fuck. I have to stop myself from fangirling in front of Zayn Malik, the most heavenly person on planet Earth.

"I hate you Zayn."

"Why? What did I do?!"

"Why didn't you tell me that you were none other than Veronica? I almost had a heart attack!!"

And then it clicks. 'Veronica', the author of 'Snow Angel' and 'Crazy' was Zayn. Why was his pen-name, Veronica? I burst out laughing like crazy. Zayn looks at me bewildered. "If... If you w-wanted to give y-yourself a pen name, couldn't yo-you have a male n-name? Noooooo, but you chose V-veronica!!!" I say between breaths and start laughing again. Zayn turns red and pushes his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Fuck you Styles", he says.

"Fuck you...Veronica."

And we start laughing again. Veronica... Zayn's gonna have to stick with that name forever now...  


	18. I'm Sorry...

_Veronica...Zayn's gonna have to stick with that name forever now..._

**Hazel**

I didn't get how time flew by because it was time to go for the date. I don't have anything to wear right now. Harry had told me to wear something fancy, and I don't know what to do now. I peek from my room door, and I can see Harry in a tuxedo waiting for me. God, what shall I do?! "Umm Harry? Can you come here, please? I need some help...", I call out. I hear running feet, and Harry is at my door in few minutes. He comes in looking like an absolute angel.

"I d-don't have anything to wear..'

"Let me look through your cupboard." Harry looks into my wardrobe and shuffles around with the clothes in it. I look at him nervously.

"Are you a girl?"

"Huh?"

"I asked, are you a girl?"

"Why are you doubting my femininity?"

"You have no one piece dresses, no skirts, no high heels, no jewellery, and a penny-worth of makeup."

I don't know what to say to this. I can't yet tell him that I, in fact, had had tons of the stuff he was talking about, but it was me who had thrown it away or ruined it. I continue to look down. I have ruined Harry's day now too."I'm sorry.", I mumble, and Harry sighs. He comes over to me and puts his fingers under my chin to lift my face up. His green eyes pierce into mine.

"You have no reason to be sorry, babe."

"No, I just ruined it for you, like it would be so embarrassing for you with me dressed just in jeans and a shirt and you in a tux? Ha-"

"Shh. I'll find something."

Harry goes out and comes back after ten minutes. He has a whole fucking outfit in his hands. "Where did you get it?!!!", I ask.

"Niall had it in one of his rooms. He said it was his sister-in-law's. Now get ready quickly, we need to leave."

I change and put on some makeup, and Harry and I head out. Harry borrowed Niall's car, and he drove us to the place he has planned. We reach it, and as I get out of the car, I realize that Harry has brought me to the fanciest restaurant here. Wow.

"You didn't have to do th-"

"-I did."

I sigh, and we make our way inside. We take our seats, and I mentally thank Denise for leaving behind an outfit because everyone else here is really well-dressed. We order our food, and I look at Harry.

"So."

"So?"

"Tell me something about yourself, you know a lot about me, but I know just a tiny bit about you.", Harry says, and a wave of nervousness washes over me. I can't let him know that I'm not Niall's sister, I'm pregnant and all that shit.

"Um...What should I say?"

"Ok. I'll ask you something, and you have to give me an answer, then."

"Sounds cool."

"Favourite colour?"

"Green, the emerald one."

"Favourite music artist?"

"Liam Payne. Well other than him, Ed Sheeran, Bruno Mars, Adele, Katy Perry, many of them actually."

"Nice. Any weird habits?"

"Oh, I don't know about that, but I have a conscience which is very persuasive. It also has a name. It's called Louie, like with an 'e' and not a 's' When I am bored, he keeps me company. He is a funny guy, you know. He makes me laugh all the time. Though he can be a pain in the arse sometimes... ok for most of the time."

"Do you realize, this is the most that you've spoken to me in one go? Well, let that be. Worst fears?"

"There are many... I am a pretty timid person."

"They won't be worse than mine. Are you afraid of dentists?"

"Er, no?"

"Of needles?"

"Yes."

"Well, me too. I'm terrified."

"You suck at asking questions.", I say laughing, and Harry puts a hand on his chest feigning hurt. I smile at his cuteness. The food's here, and we start to eat. I am not hungry. The food on my plate stares back at me with all the spite that it can. I keep away the fork I have picked up.

Harry looks up at me and sighs. "What's the matter, Hazel?" , he asks in a voice which tells that he has been planning to ask me this for a long time now. I look down and play with my fingers.

"Nothing.", I whisper.

"You gotta look at me, love; I'm tired of you not doing that." I look up. "Tell me, Hazel. What is wrong? ""Nothi-""-Don't say nothing because I can clearly see that you are not okay."I sigh and blink back tears. I don't like it how Harry knows me so well in such a short amount of time, it makes me feel out of control. "I swear it's nothing.", I say. Harry runs his hand through his hair. "I can see that you are lying. This is not fair, Hazel. You know all about me. I have been an open book to you, why can't you be the same?! I have told you about all that I'm going though it is bloody hard for me to do, so if you want this shit to work out, I need to know what you are going through! Do you think that I haven't noticed how you flinch every time we touch, how you are almost never hungry, how you don't sleep at night, how you always cry by yourself, how the slightest noise makes you terrified, how you always look scared?!!". Harry is almost shouting by now. I can see the frustration in his voice and I can't take it. I immediately go into panic mode. My breathing gets harder and I break down.

"I-I am s-sorry, but pl-please don't m-make me s-say anything right n-now. I am s-sorry..." I manage to say between sobs. I stutter when I am upset. Harry gets up from his seat and comes to my chair. He sits down beside me and holds my hands. He pulls me into a hug and rubs my back.

"I-I am s-sorry..."


	19. Sassy And Stubborn

_"I-I am s-sorry..."_  

**Harry**

Three days have passed since Hazel and I had the catastrophic date and things are better. Hazel throws up quite frequently and I am worried. Hazel and I have not talked about that night and I do not even intend to do that in the very near future because seeing Hazel break down like that is the most horrible thing ever. I can't take seeing that. Other than that, Hazel is acting as if nothing has happened and its okay. We've been doing fun stuff and I am happy....like really happy. I have realized that I do not think of Lucy when I am with Hazel but when I am alone, my whole world is falling apart. Zayn and Niall have very swiftly become family.

Today is my day to decide what to do. I want to go on a midnight baking spree. I haven't baked since Lucy died. Lucy used to love it when I baked. I haven't had the courage to bake since she left but here, with Hazel, I feel the strength coming back. Hazel and I are currently at the grocery store shopping for the things we needed for baking. Hazel is pushing the trolley and I am walking beside her. I look at her and she is beautiful. Hazel's eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue but they are a lot different, a lot vibrant than Lucy's were. She looks cute as her hair falls on her face.  Her lips and pinker and plumper. Even her nose is sharper than Lucy's. In short, Hazel is completely different from Lucy, yet is as beautiful.  I lean down to kiss her and she kisses me back immediately. I feel butterflies in my stomach and for once I think that Hazel and I have a chance. As we pull back, I can see Hazel smiling. I love how Hazel still blushes when we kiss. I like Hazel, I like her a lot. But I don't know if I can love her after Lucy...

Its midnight and Zayn and Niall are asleep. Hazel and I go to the kitchen to start baking our first batch of cupcakes. As Hazel is mixing the batter, I go and hug her from behind. She smiles and I kiss her cheek. She giggles.

"Are you going to let me go?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you are very cuddly."

"And you are a dork."

"But I'm your dork."

"What did I do to fall in love with you, you cheesy idiot?!"

I freeze and so does she. She l-loves me? God, what a mess! This was not supposed to happen. I don't know...I cannot say that back. We were dating and stuff, yes but falling in love, no.

"I-I...Hazel..."

"Shh. You don't have to say that back."

"What did I do to get someone as great as you Hazel?" I say using her own words.

"Stop it, you are too cheesy. I will become fat with all that cheese." Hazel says and continues with the batter. I am really lucky that I have Hazel and no one else. If it was someone other than Hazel, that girl would have asked me to say that back. She would have screamed, broken up maybe. But Hazel...she is so different. She just was casual about it. She is giving me my space and I appreciate a lot. I finally let her go and watch her cooking.

*        *        *

It's around 3:00 am and Hazel and I are on the kitchen floor eating the cupcakes we baked. Hazel is a very good cook, I have to admit that. Our second cake is already in the oven. The cupcakes are very addicting. I have almost eaten three and Hazel is still on her first one. I wonder how can she resist these simply delicious cupcakes."If you don't finish that cupcake I'm gonna finish it," I say.

"Yeah and after that, you are going to go on a sugar rush which would be something I certainly do not want to see."

"Then eat it! The cupcake in your hands is calling out at me. It wants me to eat it, why don't you listen to it and give it to me?", I whine and she turns away facing her back towards me and sitting cross-legged, STILL NOT EATING THE DAMN CUPCAKE.

So cute.

So cruel.

I tap on her shoulder.

"GO away, peasant."

I sigh.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"A hungry person."

"Ugh. A hungry person who?"

"A hungry person who desperately wants your cupcake."

"Gah, no! I was thinking of giving it to you but after  _that,_  you are never getting it."

I groan. I am dealing with such a sassy and stubborn girl. Its something that I've never done....but I'm loving it...


	20. Truly, Madly, Deeply...

  _...but I'm loving it..._

**Hazel**

We made two cakes and a batch of cupcakes by morning. We had to stop when I had to throw up and then was too tired to cook anymore. I am currently cuddled up to Harry on his bed. I am awake, but Harry is silently asleep. I smile.

_"What did I do to fall in love with you, you cheesy idiot?!"_

I remember it well. Yes, I, Hazel Amelia Tomlinson am in love with Harry Edward Styles. I know it is bloody fast, but yes I love him. I love Harry from the deepest corners of my heart. I love his soft brown curls, I love his beautiful emerald eyes and how they are so expressive and always twinkly, I love his shy smile, I love his deep dimples, I love his cheeky smirk, I love his beautifully sculpted fingers, I love his deep voice and the scruffy texture it has when he wakes up, I love it when he draws his words while he talks, I love it when he is excited and becomes a child, I love his music, I love his cheesiness, I love his tattoos, I love his pathetic jokes, I love his tight jeans, I love his hats, I love his baking, I love his tea, I love his silents snores... and I love him. I don't just love him, but I am truly, madly, deeply in love with him. The world looks just so much brighter with Harry around. I know I fell too fast and too suddenly, but I did, and I am so happy, but at the same time, I am upset. I shouldn't have fallen for him. I didn't want to fall for him in the first place (if that makes sense). I was scared that he might not love me back, and it's true. The person I am in love with is not in love with me. I am tracing Harry's tattoos as I am cuddled up to him. He is still asleep. I trace the tattoo on his waist saying 'I can't change' and it is one of my favourite tattoos of his because it is a very difficult thing to actually accept yourself as you are. It is something which I haven't been able to do. I admire Harry for loving himself before loving anyone else. I wish I was like him so bad...

"Love, it tickles!" Harry squeals as I continue to trace his tattoos. I smirk and get up. I am straddling him, and I continue to tickle him. Harry is squirming and laughing with his head thrown back. He is so beautiful. But suddenly, Harry has flipped us over, and I am the one getting tickled, but I'm not ticklish, so a smirk comes onto my face, and Harry looks at me puzzled. I push him off and go outside.

"C'mon let's go freshen up." I say. Harry is still looking dumbfounded. I giggle and go out. Harry and I brush and go down for breakfast. I'm not hungry. I never am these days. We all settle down on the dining table. Zayn has made breakfast today. We are having parathas, a delicacy that Zayn has learnt from his mum. Zayn teaches Harry how to eat the parathas. Everyone is eating except me. I love parathas but I... I can't eat them now. Niall notices this.

"Hazel, why are you not eating?"

"I'm not hungry."

Niall runs his hand through his hair and sighs. So do Zayn and Harry. It is quite funny, really, but I don't really think it is the right time to laugh. Niall looks at me dead serious. "It is not possible for you to not be hungry, Haz. You haven't eaten anything in ages."

"I am s-sorry, but I am really n-not h-hungry..."

"Do you think I am crazy? I notice changes in you, Hazel Amelia! Everything fits you loosely nowadays, and you are almost never hungry!! It is not healthy for you, Hazel. If you can't do this for yourself, then at least do it for the baby!!" , Niall blurts out and immediately a look of guilt comes over his face. I did not want Harry to know about the baby, at least not this way.

"Fuck you, Niall" I shout as bubbling anger surfaces out of me and storm to my room. I lock myself in the bathroom. Niall was right. I am a horrible mother. I am putting my baby's life at stake. Even after it is born, I, who haven't even completed my education, am not going to be able to give the best of life to it. Not only have I ruined my life, but I have also ruined my baby's life. Hot tears roll down my face, and I cannot suppress the urge to hurt myself. With shaking hands, I grab a razor. I haven't done this in a while. 

I make a cut on my wrist. 

This is for lying to Harry. 

I cut again.

This is for ruining your baby's life.

Cut.

This is for making Niall and Zayn lie too.

Cut.

This is for being the worthless self you are.

Cut.

 Th-

"Please open the door Hazel, we can talk about this. Please." Harry's voice floats into the room, and I am broken out of my thoughts. I roll down the sleeve of my shirt to hide the cuts and wipe my tears. I put up a wavering smile and open the door. Harry is standing there looking more worried than ever. Without saying a word, he takes my hand and rolls my sleeve up to reveal my bloody arm. He breaks down.He cleans up my hand and presses gentle kisses to my cuts. I can't help but cry. No one has ever shown me this kind of affection. Harry rolls up his own sleeve. I can see fading scars. We settle on the bed, and I cuddle up to him. He makes me feel good, and I am afraid that I am becoming too dependent. I am afraid that if he leaves, I won't be able to survive on my own.....  


	21. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to all those people who are battling depression and think lowly of themselves. You are the most beautiful people in the world and let nothing stop you from thinking like that. Keep on going, the sun will always rise after a dark night and a rainbow will always appear after a storm. Stay strong and live beautifully. Let's get on with the story!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

**Harry**

This is it. I have had enough. Something is terribly wrong with Hazel, and Niall mentioned a baby, and yesterday I found Hazel self-harming. I need to know what is going on. Hazel and I are on the bed cuddling. We seem to do that way too much. I sigh. "Hazel...." I murmur and she sits up. I sit up too. Without a word, I go downstairs and make some tea for us both. After it is done, I start going upstairs. I find Hazel sitting on the window seat on the landing. I sit in front of her and hand her the tea. She takes a sip of it and looks up at me with those bloodshot blue eyes, which look quite clear now unlike the stormy blue they were moments back. Tea can do wonders.

"I o-owe you an explanation."

"Yes, you do."

Hazel is trembling.

"Th-this sta-started s-some one and a half months back. I was coming back from a party and...."

"Yes, Hazel and?"

"And I was kidnapped by th-three men."

"You don't have to tell me, Hazel..."

"No, I have to now. I can't hide this anymore. I surrender."

"Okay, but you can tell me later."

"So, these men they r-raped me, t-t-took away my v-virginity, and wh-when I protested, th-they hurt m-me...."

"Oh god, I am so sorry, Hazel.."

"Don't be, it's not your fault."

"There's more to this, isn't it?"

"Yes. So a few da-days back, Zayn and I went to the doctor, rem-remember?"

"Hmm."

"I-I'm pregnant."

The world stops around me. Everything makes sense now. I can't believe that Hazel's been going through so much. My admiration for her increases because even after going through so much, she is here jumping out of her comfort-zone just so that I am okay. I don't even know if I really needed it, now. I figured that I was long over Lucy; I just couldn't, can't move on. But here's Hazel who went through so much yet is putting up a smile on her face. I wonder how much she hates falling for me now. I feel guilty. There's still one thing bothering my mind.

"What about those cuts, Hazel?" I ask. Hazel looks down and plays with the sleeves of her extra-large hoodie.

"It's hard, Haz. Everything is hard right now. Dash that, everything's terrible. I swear, I swear I am trying to be happy, but after that incident, I simply cannot be who I once was, Harry. I have ruined my life, and the fact that I am just twenty leaves no future for my baby too. I can't, Harry, I can't help feeling guilty, dirty and worthless. Self harming was my only escape then. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Hazel. It's completely normal to feel like that after everything that has happened to you. Just that cutting is not the solution. You could talk to me or Niall or Zayn if you are not comfortable. Please. By hurting yourself, you are hurting all of the people that love you. You deserve the world, Hazel."

"I love you Haz."

"I like you too, Hazel. And the baby..."  


	22. Strong

_"...And the baby..."_

Hazel

Having told half of everything to Harry makes me feel a bit better. I am happy that Harry accepted me being pregnant because I am in no position to break up with him. Quite some days have passed since that day, and Harry and I have been ticking off things from the wishlist. I seem to fall for him every second. Harry has told me about his family and stuff. I feel guilty lying to Harry about my family, but I have to, for his sake.

I have been eating better. I don't know, but Harry says that he can already see a tiny bump forming. It is about 12 in the morning, and Harry is asleep. I reckon that being with Zayn has influenced Harry and his sleeping habits. Like a lot. Zayn, Niall, and I are in my room with the laptop in front of us, settled on the bed. I have still not told Louis and Liam about my pregnancy and that is what I am here for right now. I am super nervous, and I intend to run away, but Niall and Zayn are holding either of my hands. No, dash that, they are clutching them. I sigh. I skype Louis and Louis immediately takes the call. The first thing that I notice is that he is wearing a onesie. With puppy ears attached to the hood. Freaking puppy ears. He is looking too adorable for my poor, pregnant eyes. Well, my eyes aren't pregnant, but yeah. He crosses his hands and-

He has sweater paws. God save me.

I notice that there is a frown on his face. "Wow, Hazel. You've been away for like almost twenty days and you decide to call now. Well thank you for giving me your precious time." he says. I stare into his eyes with an eyebrow raised, and he cracks. He is giggling with his eyes all shiny and baby-blue, and his hand pressed to his mouth. He's looking like such cute big baby. When I look at him, I can't imagine he's is a teacher, like grown up and stuff. I realise that I have missed him so much. His happiness is contagious and I feel a smile come to my face.

"What is this new outfit, Lou?"

"Oh, Liam bought it. I thought it was very stupid at first but then I wore it, and it is comfortable as hell. It's just a bit big for me, but Liam reckons I look cuter in clothes too big for me so-"

"In short, this is Liam's work."

"Yeah."

"Lou, I kinda wanted to tell you something, and I need Liam for that."

Louis calls for Liam, and he comes running. I take in a deep breathe and start," So, umm a few days back, I was feeling sick, so Zayn and I went to the doctor and...and I am pregnant."

There is a stunned silence in the room. I am so scared. I just hope Louis would not be angry because he is my only fami-

"OMYGODHAZELI'MGONNABEANUNCLE!!!"

I laugh at his reaction and breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness! "So how's Harry?", Liam asks.

"He's fine.", I reply,"He is currently sleeping. I think he is getting better. He hasn't had any more panic attacks, and he doesn't really look affected when Lucy is mentioned." Liam and Louis both exchange knowing looks and smile at me. "So have you told him what I told you that day?" Liam asks, and I nod. "I am officially Harry's girlfriend and am in love."

At this, Liam and Louis start squealing. It is like they wanted this to happen from the start. "That is great, Hazel! You know, you look so much healthier now! Harry's doing good to you." Louis says, and I beam at him. Harry surely is doing good to me. He's like the sun, and I'm like the earth; my whole world revolves around him. He gives me light, without which I think I would be dead by now. I love him so much.

The conversation goes on. Niall and Zayn are talking to Liam and Louis but not with each other. They think that I don't know, that I can't hear them, but I know that they fight when they are in their room. I know that something is wrong between them. I push the thought out of my mind and excuse myself saying I'm going to sleep. Harry and I are going on a road trip tomorrow. It was my wish.

Instead of going to Harry's room (I barely use my own room for sleeping nowadays), I go to the seat on the landing with my diary and my pen. I close my eyes. I can see Harry's smile. I can hear his low chuckle. I can see his warm caring eyes. I can feel how strong he makes me feel. I open my eyes and pour my thoughts into my notebook.

_My hands,_

_Your hands_

_Tied up_

_Like two ships._

_Drifting_

_Weightless._

_Waves try to break it._

_I'd do anything to save it._

_Why is it so hard to say it?_

_My heart,_

_Your heart_

_Sit tight like bookends._

_Pages_

_Between us_

_Written with no end._

_So many words we're not saying._

_Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone._

_You make me strong._

_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

_But I don't care,_

_I'm not scared of love._

_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

_Is that so wrong?_

_Is it so wrong_

_That you make me strong?_

_Think of_

_How much_

_Love that's been wasted._

_People_

_Always_

_Trying to escape it._

_Move on to stop their heart breaking._

_But there's nothing I'm running from._

_You make me strong._

_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

_But I don't care,_

_I'm not scared of love._

_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

_Is that so wrong?_

_Is it so wrong?_

_So, baby, hold on to my heart, oh, oh._

_Need you to keep me from falling apart._

_I'll always hold on._

_'Cause you make me strong._

_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

_But I don't care._

_I'm not scared of love._

_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

_Is that so wrong?_

_Is it so wrong?_

_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

_But I don't care,_

_I'm not scared of love._

_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

_Is that so wrong?_

_Is it so wrong_

_That you make me strong?_


	23. Bump!!

_...That you make me strong..."_

**Harry**.

Now I know one thing for sure- Hazel is a morning person, and I am clearly not. It is five in the morning,  _bloody five_ , and Hazel is going on prattling about how Ed Sheeran is the most heavenly music artist and that she is completely in love with him. I cannot actually deny because hey, Ed Sheeran is heavenly, but Hazel is talking like this about every single music artist whose music was playing on the radio. And believe me, it stops being amusing after some time. Here I am trying so hard to get a wink of sleep and beside me is my girlfriend being a tireless ball of sunshine as she drives the car cause I am too sleepy and will cause a threat to both of our lives if I drive... at freaking five in the morning. Remind me, why did I agree to go on this road trip? I sigh as Hazel sings loudly to 'Castle On the Hill'. I mean I like the song a lot, but I just want to sleep right now. I look out of the window and mute all the chaos Hazel is creating...

\+ + +

I wake up at violent shaking. "I am taking a break now. I am hungry.", Hazel says coldly. I rub my eyes. We have stopped at a restaurant. We get out of the car and go into the restaurant. We order our food, and I must say, Hazel's appetite had pleasingly doubled. Hazel continues to eat her food hungrily as I stare at her amused. "What?", she asks me with her mouth full. I notice that her hair has grown.

"Mum called," I say.

"And what did she say?"

"She wants to see you,"

As soon as I say that, Hazel spits the water in her mouth. I wipe my forehead.

"No Harry! Tell me you are kidding!!" she splutters, and I look at her grimly.

"It will be just a tiny Skype call, and Gemma and mum are both sweethearts."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No, Harry. Cut the crap!"

"I will buy you chocolate."

"Where's your mobile, again?"

I chuckle at her reaction as Hazel pulls out my mobile from my pocket across the table with a lot of struggle. We video call mum and she picks up disturbingly early.

"Oh my gosh! Baby how are you?!! And you must be Hazel! You are lovely, dear!" She gushes, totally taking Hazel off the guard. I laugh at her and pull Hazel closer. Hazel looks flustered, but I see a smile come to her face...

*.                        *.                 *

It's evening when we reach our hotel. The hotel is situated on a cliff facing a breathtaking view. As soon as we have checked in, we go up to our room and change into comfortable clothes. I see that Hazel has stolen my sweater and beanie. It is too big for her but she looks good in my clothes. It is really cold now, and the snow-covered hotel looks beautiful. Though Hazel and I are very cold, we still go to the balcony and settle onto the reclining chairs. Hazel has made hot chocolate for both of us. She looks very cute with rosy cheeks and too big a beanie as she goes on about how she loved my mum and Gemma.

"I am cold, Hazel..." I say and she gets up. She squeezes herself in my recliner and leans into me. My hand immediately finds its way to her tummy. It has become a habit now. I love to feel her growing stomach because it just makes me realise that there is a tiny being inside her. I know that normally you don't show when you are two months pregnant, but Hazel was really thin, so she has started to show, it's not much, but it is there.

One of the things that I had dreamt about was having kids with Lucy, and I think that is the reason why I am getting so attached to Hazel and her baby. I wish it was not hers but was ours. I sigh.

"Hazel, I think that the baby is going to be a girl."

"How do you know that, Dr. Styles? Hey, it has a ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Believe me, I was on the way to becoming a doctor, but I am terrible at studying science. And as for the baby, it is a hunch. You should name her Harriet."

"First of all, I am not naming the baby after you. Secondly, there is no proof that it is going to be a she."

"When I tell you it is a girl, it is a girl, Hazel. Plus, what is the problem with naming her after me?"

"Fine, I will name her after you."

"Pinky promise?"

"You are such a kid, Harry! Pinky promise. But if he is a boy, then the poor baby will have to stick with Harriet as his name, won't he?"

"Of course. Harriet will be the new trend then and then you will have to thank me."

We settled into comfortable silence again. Hazel, Harriet, and me. It sounded like a perfect family. Only if it was mine...  


	24. Illusion

**Hazel**

It is nine in the morning. I open my laptop to work on my assignment and the first thing that I notice is the date. 22 December 2017. It is just nine days till Harry has to go. My heart sinks to my stomach. My best friend, Gigi has promised to Skype me and she does. She squeals when she sees me and I feel a smile come to my face. "Louis told me everything and I want to see my future godchild at. this. instant." she orders I huff. "So you called me just to see my stomach. Wow, that's nice."

"Aww, darling. I missed you. Now show me the bump."

I sigh. This is Gigi Hadid for you. A blush slowly creeps up my cheeks when I roll up my sweater a bit to reveal my slightly showing bump. Gigi squeals yet again and this time, I can't help but laugh. My silly, silly best friend. Just then, Harry comes and sits beside me. He quickly places a peck on my cheek and peers into the laptop, saying a 'hi'. He is shirtless. Gigi gawks at him and I pinch the bridge of my nose. She is going to tease me about this forever now. Harry and Gigi talk about the latest fashion for a while I sit there bored. I know nothing about fashion while Gigi is a fashion model and Harry  _looks_  like a Gucci model too. And then there is me who walks around wearing sweats to every single place. I am saved from the boredom when my phone rings and I excuse myself from the conversation. I go to the couch and recieve the phone-call, laying down on the couch.

"H-hello, Ha-Haz?"

"Zee! O my, what happened to your voice?! Wait, have you been crying? What's the matter?"

"C-Calm down, Hazel. You sound l-like my mother."

"Zayn don't avoid the subject."

"Fine. Yes, I have been crying. Satisfied?"

"Zee...."

"Please, Hazel. I needed to take stuff off my mind so I called you, so please don't make things any harder."

"To make things any harder, Zayn Javadd, you need to know what they are."

"You are not going to let go, are you?"

"That's right, buddy."

"N-niall and I have b-been.....fighting and I d-don't think that this is going to last much longer."

"Zayn, you are not out of time, you...you can make things right."

"No, Hazel. I've run outta time. Niall...he went away to L-London sometime during the night. He didn't even tell me or inform me. I got to know from Denise today that he was there. You know his hospital is there and stuff. I c-called him t-today and we had this huge fight. It's dooming."

"I am so sorry Zayn. I was the idiot who firstly started this..."

"Don't be sorry babe. I should actually thank you because you helped me be with the person whom I have been loving since past three years.....the person who does not love me back. "

"We'll be back home in no time, Zi. And then we will make things right...how they are supposed to be."

"Love you, Hazel."

"You too. Bye," I disconnect the phone-call and sigh. Harry has already disconnected the skype call and is looming over me with worry etched over his face. "Niall is being a dick.", I tell him and get up. 

We make ourselves tea and are settled on the couch yet again in comfortable silence.

"Harry, do you believe in love?"

"No."

"But why?"

"Because love is like.....like alcohol, you love the taste of it on your tongue but it is slowly killing you inside."

"You are wrong, Harry. Love is beauty, trust and eternity."

"But it is not forever. Love cannot be forever for everyone. Someone is bound to get hurt. Now look, I loved my dad, he broke me. I loved Lucy, she died. Now you love me and I will be leaving. Love is the most cruel thing that could happen to anyone. I am so sorry for you Hazel.

The bitterness in Harry's voice hits me like a truck. I wipe of the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. I am so stupid. Like so fucking stupid. I have always known that I was nothing much to Harry. I kept telling myself many times that I was just Harry's rebound and nothing more, so there was no point in falling for him. But if it t'were as easy to do what one knows is good to do, the chapels would have been churches and poor men's cottages, princes' palaces.

"Tell me you believe in love

It's not an illusion

I been thinking about the nights  
And the dangerous tricks  
People play on the eyes of the innocent  
I could turn a lot of hearts  
Into breaks with smoke and  
Mirrors disappearing  
Right in front of them

But believe me  
I'm not trying to deceive you  
I promise falling for me  
Won't be a mistake

No baby this is not an illusion  
I've really got my heart out on my sleeve  
Oh baby this is not an illusion  
There's magic between you and me  
No baby this is not an illusion  
You really got me lifted off my feet  
So tell me you believe in love  
'Cause it's not an illusion to me

Can't you see it?  
I'm not trying to mislead you  
I promise falling for me  
Won't be a mistake

No baby this is not an illusion  
I've really got my heart out on my sleeve  
Oh baby this is not an illusion  
There's magic between you and me  
No baby this is not an illusion  
You really got me lifted off my feet  
So tell me you believe in love  
'Cause it's not an illusion to me

You can tie me up in chains  
You can throw away the key  
But there's no trapped doors  
I'm not gonna leave  
You're the truth I can't explain  
You're the only one I see  
It's not an illusion to me

No baby this is not an illusion  
I've really got my heart out on my sleeve  
Oh baby this is not an illusion  
There's magic between you and me  
No baby this is not an illusion  
You really got me lifted off my feet  
So tell me you believe in love  
'Cause it's not an illusion to me

So tell me you believe in love  
'Cause it's not an illusion" I sing, my voice cracking at every word.

  
"Harry, I swear...It is not an illusion to me." I sob and he shakes his head.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some smut for you pervs, enjoy!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

Hazel

I am still snuggled up to Harry. I am still crying. Harry is still shirtless, with his jeans hanging low on his hips. Suddenly, I am completely turned on. Fuck! I think to myself and I realise that I am ready. I am ready to do this with Harry. I am ready to give myself to Harry. I grip his neck and place my lips on his in sheer desperation. Harry is shocked at first but he is kissing me back with with equal heat. His hands run down to my waist leaving behind a trail of goosebumps. One of my hands is tugging at his hair while the other is rubbing circles on his bare back. My heart is racing as I feel Harry's lips on my neck. He nips on the sensitive skin there which I am sure is going to leave a mark. Waves of excitement are running through me. I want him. I feel Harry grab my waist from under my shirt as he places kisses on my exposed shoulder blade. He looks up at me. His pupils are dilated. He. Looks. Fucking. Hot.

"What do you want Hazel Amelia?", he whispers sending shivers down my spine.

"I want you. M-Make me y-yours Harry."

"Are you sure you are ready for this?"

"Y-yes"

And his lips are on mine again. He lifts me up up easily and takes me to the bedroom. I can't believe this is happening. And I cannot believe that I am happy about it. Harry put me on the bed with a thump. "Are you okay with this?" Harry whispers as he nibbles at my ear and tugs at the hem of my shirt. I nod furiously feeling utterly flustered. The next moment, my hoodie is lying in some unknown part of the room. The cold air nips at my skin as Harry takes a moment to scan my body. Suddenly I feel a bit too self-conscious and I cover my slightly protruding stomach with a hand and look away. Harry gently removes my hand. He presses ginger kisses down my neck, across my collar bones and all across my tummy.

"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...," he repeats between kisses. I pull him up and push my lips to his. He looks at me with another 'are you sure?' and I roll my eyes. I reply by undoing the button of his jeans. His kicks off his jeans swiftly and god! Can anyone ever be sexier? I kiss his neck and smile when I find that one spot that makes Harry gasp. I flip us over and Harry grins at me. I devour his sex-godish body leaving lovebites all down till his fern tattoos.

"My turn.", Harry mumbles and in one swift motion, I am no longer wearing my sweats. Harry has flipped us over yet again. Suddenly I am aware of how cold the air is. I shiver, though I can't really say if it is because of Harry or the cold. Gaining a sudden surge of confidence, I palm Harry's prominent boner through his boxers making him let out an unrealistic moan. I am as astonished at my actions as Harry is. Harry's hips find their way between my legs. Our bodies grind against each other as we continue to kiss.

Harry's fingers slip into the waistband of my panties. He looks at me hesitantly. I have had enough. "I. Am. Fucking. Okay. With. Whatever. You. Want. To. Do. With. My. Body." I say between kisses. Harry smirks at me and my panties are flung across the room. The smirk stays on his face as his hand travels down my stomach to my abdomen between my legs. I shudder when his fingers graze my clitoris and let out whimpers as his digits lightly circle my entrance. I mentally thank myself for remembering to shave last night. Without any warning, Harry thrusts two of his fingers into me making me let out a pornographic sound which I never knew I was capable of making. But then, he stays there. He makes no movements with his fingers leaving me utterly frustrated.

"Stop teasing, Harry"

"Where are your manners, Hazel?"

"Please move Harry. Fucking shit just move!!"

"That is much better" Harry smirks and finally starts pumping his digits in me. Waves of pleasure run through me as I throw my head back letting out soft moans. A string of swear words leaves my mouth as I arch my back when Harry curls his fingers and hits my g-spot straight.

Harry pulls his fingers out of me making me groan at the loss of contact. His hands make their way to my back and he unhooks my bra. He removes it and throws it aside. He takes a moment to eye-fuck me and then to litter lovebites across my body. I cannot take it now...I need him inside me. I tug at his boxers and Harry throws them off. Harry's length slaps on his rock hard abdomen. Shit, he is big. Like really big. He pumps his cock a bit, biting his lips. He is so damn hot. Without further ado, he lines himself with me. My heart is hammering in my chest. We are not using a condom because hey, it is not like I will get pregnant or something. Harry slowly pushes himself into me till he is balls deep in me. God that hurts a lot. A few tears fall on my cheeks and Harry is quick to brush them off. He gives me time to adjust to his length and I slowly wrap my legs around his waist. After some moments, I tell him to move. Harry pulls out and slams back into me bringing not only pain but also unfathomable pleasure.

"Fuck! You are so tight, Hazel..."

"J-Just for you Harry.."

The pain fades away as Harry's thrusts get harder and faster and I am blinded by desire. Incoherent words leave our mouths and waves of pleasure start from my stomach and spread through my body. With the world swirling around us, we are connected through carnal pleasures. Our bodies providing each other sexual felicities, we feel closer to each other more than anything else. The scent leaving Harry's body as he pushes deeper into me is aphrodisiacal. His hands travelling over all the crevices of my body is highly endearing, making my toes curl.

Harry hits a certain spot in me and I cry out in titillation. Harry senses this and continues to hit that bundle of nerves. I scream out Harry's name and so does he as I see stars and I am in heat, becoming ripe for Harry. I feel myself clench around Harry and he spills his load in me. I pry open my eyes. We both are panting and shy smiles come to our faces. Harry pulls out of me and rolls to my side. I feel arms wrap around me and I fall into the best sleep I have had in the whole of my life...


	26. Forever

..........  
 **Harry**

I cannot believe it. Like really. I mean after all that Hazel had gone through, I can't believe we made love this morning. It was all of a sudden and in the spur of the moment but we did it. And that makes me question myself. Do I really not love her? Hazel's naked back presses to my equally bare chest as she lets out soft snores. My hand finds its way to Harriet. My heart sinks when I realise that I will be leaving in just nine days.

Thousands of questions swarm through my mind. How is Hazel going to manage on her own after I leave? She is obviously going to continue her education so how is she going to juggle between Harriet and college? How will she get over me? Hell, how will  _I_ get over her? Will  _I_ be able to forget this month, to remember how to live on my own? Am I really not in love with her?

_"How stupid are you! Of course, you are crazily in love with her, Harry", an inner voice says._

_"_ _Why do think that?" I question._

_"Cause every time you both touch, you feel your body set on fire. Cause every time she looks at you, you feel that you have the world. Cause her smile can make you do anything. Cause you are ready to give anything for her. Cause you can't even bear the thought of losing her. Cause when you imagine your future, you never see one without Hazel. Cause you cannot stop dreaming about your family with Hazel and Harriet. Cause Hazel is just not your girlfriend anymore; she is a part of you, she is your life and more than anything else, she is your hope. You are in love, Harry. Believe me."_

Like a lighting, it strikes me. I have been so stupid. How couldn't have I see this? Was I so blinded by hatred for love that I had failed to see that I myself had fallen in it? I know it should make me angry but surprisingly, happiness is oozing out of me. I cannot contain the utter joy running through my veins. I want to shout to the world: I am madly in love with Hazel Amelia Horan!!!! I throaty laugh escapes my lips. I am so happy! I am also surprised that I have gotten over Lucy. No, I haven't gotten over her, I do still love her and indeed miss her, but I certainly have fallen for Hazel and this is what matters. My past, who is Lucy, does not affect me anymore, because I have a beautiful present, Hazel, who I cannot help but cherish.

"Why are you so giggly all of a sudden?" Hazel asks opening her eyes and I grin at her.

  
"Because darling, I realised that I love you. I love you more than anything else. You are my forever."


	27. Pet Names.

_....You are my forever."_

**Harry**  
  
Hazel stares at me wide-eyed. I nod at her and place a kiss on her plump lips. She launches onto me and I chuckle. This is one of the best days of my life. When we break the kiss Hazel's large eyes are swimming with tears. I kiss her forehead and smile.   
  
"I want to give you a pre-Christmas gift. I am taking you on a date tonight.", I say and Hazel thinks for a while.   
  
"I have to give you a pre-Christmas gift too," she says with a blush. She is so beautiful...  
  
"I love you, Hazel....so much."  
  
"You too, love. Till infinity."  
  
\+ + +  
  
Hazel and I are walking hand in hand on the snow-covered streets.   
  
"We should have pet names for each other..." she says. I look at her, amused. She is smiling as her eyes look distant. Her nose is red and her beanie is slightly dipping over her eyes. Overall: fucking cute. I realise that I am totally smitten by this beautiful lady beside me. I chuckle at her idea.  
  
"What's wrong in that?!"  
  
"Have you been reading cliche love stories? Because that, babe, is really really stupid, no offence."  
  
"I have not been reading cliche love stories. This nickname thingy, I made that up myself. I am not thinking of the 'my little munchkin' ones. I am thinking of these meaningful ones. I'll start. You are my Disney because you have made all my dreams come true."  
  
"You are my Kiwi because you are sweet with a tangy edge....and I love it."  
  
"That is kinda dumb but yeah. You are my...umm, let me think. Yes. You are my Zeus because you look like a sexy Greek god."  
  
"And you call my nickname stupid! Like heeeyyy! But moving on. I think I like Diana for you because you are my princess."  
  
"Aww, that's nice! I will continue to call you Haz, because people call me Haz, people call you Haz and people will also call Harriet Haz. That is the recipe for confusion. "  
  
"You really cannot think of pet names, can you? I think I will call you Olivia. Yes, you know what, I love that. I. AM. CALLING. YOU. OLIVIA. Because it just sounds rich and beautiful and strong....just like you."  
  
"I love it! Hey, hey, I've got a good one. I will call you  _astre_. "  
  
"And what does that mean, Olivia?"  
  
"It is a French word. It means 'celestial body' but is also used to describe anything luminary or otherworldly...It can mean anything from 'star' to 'planet' to 'angel'. And you, Harry Styles, are truly an angel."  
  
"And tu es la raison de mon existence. I guess that's enough for now, isn't it? Plus it is getting cold AND we have reached the cafe, mon amour."  
  
"Getting all French are we, Disney?"  
  
"Shut up and get in, Olivia!"   
  
We threw our heads back in laughter as we entered the cosy cafe. The box in my pocket is weighing a million tons. We take a seat near the fireplace.   
  
"So what do you want to give me, Hazel?"  
  
"First you."  
  
"Ladies first."  
  
"Exactly my point, Harold. You are the damsel here."  
  
I huff and bring out the box, immediately hearing Hazel gasp. I squeeze my eyes shut. I take a breath and slowly open them to meet Hazel's. This will be easy.   
  
"That night, when Lucy died, I was going to propose to her. I did not want to get married just then but I wanted to get engaged, I wanted that promise....which I did not get. And then after spending a month going crazy over what could have been and a bunch of 'what if's, I met you. The thing that I could and still can see in you is that you are as broken as I am....and I want to fix you. I don't care about myself because fixing you automatically fixes me. With your baby blue eyes and a heart bigger than any that I have seen, I know that you are my forever; I do not need to ask you for that, because even if I am not your forever, you will always be mine. I want to shout out to the world that I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you and I never will. I thought when I was with Lucy that that was the most of love that I could manage but now that you've come along, I see how much more love there is to shower and I know that this is it. You are the rest of my life, whether I like it or not or whether you like it or not. I love you, Olivia, I live for you now. I know that you are the one and I can see us getting married and having babies. How much ever we fight, Diana, at the end of the day I am going to come back to you. You have my heart and I want you to wear it. I am not asking you to marry me; I am asking to be my forever." I say and open the box. In there is sitting a beautiful diamond cut ring glistening, begging to be worn. I remove it. Tears have stained Hazel's cheeks as her trembling hand is covering her mouth. She brings it down and I push the promise ring on her finger.   
  
"Your turn." I smile and prepare myself. Hazel wipes her tears and shuffles through her bag. She brings out a long black box. She opens it. It contains a beautiful locket. It has a cross and a tiny five-point star. That looks bloody expensive.  
  
"This locket is the last object that a person who meant a lot to me gave me. After her death up till now, this very object has acted as hope to me. And hope is something that you need the most,  _astre_. Even in the future, if I am there or not, I want this locket to always be with you, take my place and the most important thing, give you hope. I want to give you my heart, my love, my life. I want to give you my hope..." she says. I know how much this means for her. All that I can see in her eyes is her love and I am the happiest man on the planet. I take the delicate locket and wear it. Hazel looks up.

"Mistletoe..." she whispers.   
  
"I love you so much, baby girl..."  
  
"You too...so much..."  
  
And then we kiss.  


	28. Going Home

_...And then we kiss."_

**Hazel**

I cannot believe all the things that have happened in past three days. Number one: I had sex. Number two: Harry loves me. Number three: I now have a ring one my finger. I mean, woah! This is a dream come true. I cannot just believe this. I feel a pang in my chest as I am reminded that I have to tell Harry about my reality....his reality.

A smile finds its way to my face when I feel Harry's lips on my stomach. "Daddy loves you, Harriet..." Harry mutters and my heart swells. I can picture us as a family- Harry, Harriet and I. I love it how Harry considers himself to be Harriet's father. "Turn around babe." I tell him and he does. He is on the floor while I am on the bed. I start to braid his hair. One more advantage of having Harry as my boyfriend is that I can do endless hairstyles on him, his hair being lusciously long. Today we are going back home. Zayn had called us yesterday. Harry and I both felt that Zayn wasn't mentally stable to take care of himself right now so we decided to go home.

Harry sings as he drives. I have to tell him...

\+ + +

We finally reach home. Harry parks the car and we walk hand in hand to the house. As soon as we reach the gate, I sense that something is wrong. Even Harry looks at me with those big worried eyes. The door to the house is already open. Strange. Harry and I make our way inside. There is no one home. There was no one in the kitchen and no one in the living room. There was absolutely no sign of Zayn or Niall. Harry and I run to Zayn and Niall's room. And then we see him.

Zayn in the corner of the room. He is hugging his knees as shaky sobs leave his body. He is rocking himself as he breathes unsteadily. "Baby..." I mutter and rush towards him. I sit down beside him and hug him. When my and Harry's eyes meet we both understand that this is happening because of Niall. I had already told Harry about the fights that Zayn and Niall had been having. Poor Zayn. Why did Niall have to be such an asshole? Zayn clutches onto my as he cries his heart out. After he is calmed down, I detach him from myself and Harry takes my place. I go outside, more like storm outside. I pick up my phone and dial a number which I have learned by heart.

"Haz?"

"Niall Horan, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Calm the fuck down Hazel! I cannot deal with this shit right now, I am at work!"

"Wow! Like fucking wow, Niall! How could you be such a dick?! Where are you now?"

"London. You very well know that I have a hospital here. I was in Ireland only for you. And I cannot take being there anymore..."

"Why? Because Zayn is here?! Do you even know what shit he is going through?! I have known you since I was a baby and I, for certain know, that this is not the real you!"

"Hazel, I need to go, a client is here. I'll talk to you later."

And he disconnects the phone call. I feel tears on my cheeks. Damn this pregnancy for making me so emotional. I rush back to the room with a glass of water. I look from outside. Zayn is on the bed and Harry is standing. Zayn is telling him something as Harry runs his hand through his hair. The only thing that is audible is 'sorry!'. Why is Zayn saying sorry to Harry? Harry looks pissed. Shit. I get it now. Zayn has told everything to Harry.

I go in and Harry and Zayn both look at me. "I am so sorry, Hazel! I h-had to tell him...I couldn't keep it in anymore!" Zayn sobs. Harry is still staring at me burning holes in my body with those eyes. I should have known. This is the end.

Harry comes to me and holds my bicep and drags me outside. Tears run down my cheeks without any warning. Harry, blinded by fury does not see that he is hurting me. He pushes me in the living room.

"What the fuck is this, Hazel?"

"H-harry please c-calm d-"

"I WILL NOT FUCKING CALM DOWN! I have been living with you for a month now and I get to know that all this is fake?! I trusted you Hazel!"

"I am sorry, but I had to do this...for your own good. I had to lie. You wouldn't have agreed to do any of this if you had known!"

"You are such a liar, Hazel! I am not even sure if you Niall's sister now!"

"I-I am n-not Niall's sister...."

"Look at this shit! Wow, this is incredible."

"I will tell you everything harry, please sit down"

Harry takes his place on the couch and looks at me intently. I take in a breathe.

"My name is Hazel Amelia Tomlinson. Yes, I am Louis Tomlinson's sister. Everything about the rape and the pregnancy was real. A month back after Louis and Liam got engaged, they both came home. Liam told him that a friend of his needed help, like psychiatric help. He said that he was having hallucinations. I told him that he should go to Niall who is a well know psychiatrist, in reality. But then Liam said that he wanted me and I gave in. He told me that I had to live with Niall for a month and pretend to be his sister when the boy would come and live with us thinking that it was just a vacation while he took psychiatric treatment...."

"So you are Louis's sister, the same Louis who is engaged to my step-brother..."

"Wait, Liam is you step-brother?!!"

"What the fuck?! You did not know?! This is such a big mess...Hazel why didn't you tell me all this before? I trusted you, I started believing in love for the first time and now you have just proven that all of that is utter bullshit! I can't believe I fell for your tricks! I gave you my all, I lay my heart open for you, Hazel, why couldn't you just do the same? It hurts to...."

"H-Harry p-please stop..."

".....know that everything that I had strived so hard for was just a made up story! I knew it! It is useless to fall in love; it only hurts you! I don't think I can ever love again after you, Hazel. Thank you for breaking my heart, for showing me that it is useless to trust.....and I thought I loved you"

With this Harry bolts up to his room. I fall to the floor on my knees bursting into hysterics. This was not supposed to happen....why me? I shouldn't feel so bad, I knew that this was going to happen one day. Still, my heart is being ripped to shreds. Harry bounds down the stairs with his bag and guitar. His cheeks are stained with tears. He starts walking towards the open door. No, he cannot go now, he cannot leave me like this. What about our dreams, our home, Harriet? I grab his hand and he looks at me with bloodshot eyes. He shrugs off my hand. I can see nothing but anger and hurt in his eyes.

"Goodbye, Hazel Amelia Tomlinson...." he mutters and not only walks out of the door but also walks out of my life. Everything is numb. Two people walked out of the same door. Love was lost twice. There is no hope left....  


	29. Voicemails

_"...There was no hope left..."_

**Harry**

Voicemail 1 :24/12/17; 7:00pm  
"H-hey....I am so sorry, Haz... Please come home baby....I miss you so fucking much. Please...I am so sorry..."

Voicemail 2 :25/12/17; 5:07am   
"Harry...we can do this together....please pick up the phone call....Harry I am so sorry..."

Voicemail 3 :25/12/17; 10:30am  
"I can't make it on my own,  _astre._ I miss you so much, Haz and it's just a day since you went away. This doesn't need to end this way, Harry, please pick up the phone.....I love so much babe, till infinity.... always remember that...."

Voicemail 4 :26/12/17; 7:07pm  
"Zayn's going to London while I am going back to Doncaster. Where are you, babe? We can talk this through,  _astre_....please give me a chance...."

Voicemail 5 :28/12/17; 10:33pm  
"I came back to Doncaster...it is so hard to...to just live right now....I need you,  _astre_...The empty house is killing me. Liam and Louis have shifted to London. College is so hard. I need you. I am so sorry Haz....please"

Voicemail 6 :31/12/2017; 11;59pm  
"Happy New Year baby....I wish you were here...."

Voicemail 7 :02/01/18; 12:00pm  
"Harry....don't worry, I won't bother you anymore....I just want to tell you, if you ever forgive me, I am forever here with open arms....I am still learning to live without you, my  _astre._  I hope you are okay....love you so much, baby boy. This is my last phonecall to you. Goodbye...."

Tears are falling incessantly on my cheeks. I know this is the end, but I am still waiting for another voicemail


	30. Kidnapping.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!! I am writing this because I just realised that I completed about 27 chapters of Hope. I mean, wow! I never thought that I could ever make it this far but I did! Yay!!! Well on with the story...  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_"... waiting for another voicemail..."_

**Hazel**

One breath in. The same breath out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Make food. Eat it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. Go to college. Stare at the books. Breathe. Repeat. Go to sleep. Wake up. Breathe. Go to the doctor. Return. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

That is the only life I have now. Its 2 months since  _he_ left. One month since Liam and Louis shifted to London. Four months since I got pregnant. Two months since my world felt apart. Two months since I became a living corpse. Two months since I didn't have to remind myself to breathe. Two months since my oxygen was practically sucked out of me. Two months since I am alone. Two months since I forgot how to live. Two months since I gave up calling  _him_.

 _He_ came in like a tornado. One second and my whole world was shattered. Why did he leave? Doesn't he know I can't survive without him? Doesn't he know I am nothing without him? What happened to the forever's? And what happened to the 'I love you'? Was my love not enough? But it was my fault, wasn't it? It was I who lied to him...for so long. But it was for his own good wasn't it? Had he known that this was actually a treatment that he was going through under Niall, would he have ever agreed to this, ever met me, ever fallen in love again, ever gotten over Lucy? The questions are slowly driving me crazy.

Only two good things have happened to me in these two months without  _him._ One: Harriet is growing healthy. Two: I have gotten really close with Gemma and Anne. That's it. The end of good stuff.

The ring on my finger is glistening in the sunlight. I put my ringed hand on my fully showing bump. I just love my bump and I remember Gemma laughing at me when I said that. Today is graduation day. As I am called to the stage, I see a grinning Harry in the audience shouting that I am his girlfriend. My heart skips a beat. but then when I look again, there is no one. Bloody love. I go through the whole ceremony without even realising. Everyone is enjoying themselves, couples swaying to the beats of the song that is playing. I vaguely realise that its Liam's latest single and a tiny smile finds its way to my face. I am ready to leave, I don't have anything to do here; I can't even get drunk now. I have headed out and I love the weather. The sun is shining down on me, smiling at my baby. I am about to sit in my car when I hear shouts.

"Hazel!! I am so proud of you, darling!!" I turn around, immediately recognizing the voice. Its Gemma. With Anne. A grin finds a place on my mouth. What are they doing here? They come closer to me and both hug me. Hugging Anne reminds me of hugging Harry, that scent of honey and chestnuts and strawberries and lilies... Another pang at my chest. I hate how Harry has just ruined my life.

"How's my granddaughter or grandson doing?"

"It's doing fine....Just completed four months and I already want to hold him or her in my arms!"

"Haha, that's what I had felt when I was pregnant with Gemma! When are you going to tell me the names that you and Harry have decided for the baby? I can't take the suspense!"

"Take a chill pill, Anne. It is actually funny, you know. When we were on that trip, Harry said that he was sure that the baby was going to be a girl and he wanted me to name her after him. He made me give a pinky-promise, for god's sake!" I let out a hollow laugh, " So we decided to call her Harriet Lucy Styles. Even if it turns out to be a boy!" Anne, Gemma and I chuckle as the the memory painfully resurfaces, making me crave for Harry's strong arms around me just like that night. "We are taking you home." Gemma says.

"What?!!"

"Ofcourse! Please don't tell me you were thinking of going through the pregnancy alone!"

"Ofcourse I was! I mean....now?!"

"Yas, girl, we are going to Cheshire NOW!"

"What the hell?! WHat about my clothes?"

"We kinda broke into your house and took them. So you are coming with us right now whether you like it or no."

"You are kidnapping me!"

"Yada yada. Call it what you like."


	31. Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it's me. Did y'all notice how every chapter in Harry's POV is tiny? Well, it is for a reason and that is: I want to show how the breakup has literally removed all sanity out of Harry's life and all that he is left with is this hollow Hazel-shaped space.  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_...what you want..."_

**Harry**

My head's pounding. I need to throw up. I open my eyes and groan. Bloody hangover. I turn to my side. A blonde girl is sleeping beside me. And she is naked. I am too. Damn. I remember yesterday's events. I pull on my boxers and clothes and get out of the apartment. I drive straight to mine. The cross shaped locket is heavy on my chest.

I am in London. I shifted here the day I left  _her._  I know she is hurting, but how can I forgive her? Why?

\+ + +

Another night and another naked girl on my bed. I don't care anymore. But she isn't as beautiful as  _her._ No stop. Stop thinking about her, Harry. Am I drunk? Maybe. I had some five....ten ...I don't know how many shots. I don't care. Not any more....

\+ + +

Another bottle down. My head is dizzy and my vision blurry.  _She_ would be disappointed. I need her. So much. I need my Olivia... I stumble to the balcony.

"Just one truth, Olivia!!!! That's all I needed!!!" I shout. But she can't hear me. Why?

I live for you I long for you, Olivia.....


	32. Flicker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger...in advance. Eeks!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_...long for you, Olivia..."_

**Hazel**

Its been just a month since I came to stay with Anne and Gemma. I haven't heard anything from Harry. Not even Niall. Zayn and I talk regularly and he is not doing okay at all. He says that he is managing but I know he is not. But things have better other than that. I am officially five months pregnant and have started feeling Harriet's prominent kicks and its the most amazing feeling ever. I wish Harry was here to witness our baby's progress. I play Harry's voice to the baby. I want Harriet to know who her father is which reminds me we found out the sex of the baby and its a girl!

I am lying on the bed my my eyes open. Honestly, I am  _drained._ But Harriet is feeling the completely opposite. She is kicking up a storm inside me. She gonna play football like her Uncle Lou it seems. A small smile comes to my face at this thought. Liam and Louis are getting married in like three months. Time seems to be rushing nowadays.

Even after all this, my mind returns back to Harry. It is like, even though I am happy for a moment, Harry is still there....always. But hadn't I told him, that he would be in my constant soul? Hadn't I made that commitment? I don't want to lose Harry's touch. I can feel him slip away from me....and I really don't want to hurt this much. We built our love so high that now that we fell, we have scattered worlds apart. Even if I have turned my head and let us go, I am still learning to breathe on my own. I have paid my price and I am owning my scars. Yet, yet the question is still there: why?

The first rays of the sun shine into my room like a new hope. I have heard Harry speak million words and now I am grasping and clawing and struggling to get them back. He was too good to be all mine as it is. My heart was always on the run but Harry just made loving so....delightful. In my eyes, on one side there is Harry and on the other, everybody else; I look at him in an extremely different point of view. Being with Harry was always like living in a dream, it was too good to be true. But I think Harry  _was_  a dream; he came like one and went away like one too.

I make myself stop thinking about Harry, because thinking about him would just make me sadder. And thus, my mind wanders to Zayn. He keeps saying that he's alright, but he doesn't know that I can see right through his happy facade. He is just keeping everything inside him, living alone. He just needs to go ahead and unload it all. Its like he says I am the person who is the most close to him....but that's not true. No one knows him as much as he knows himself. He is lost, but I have started to lose him, and I cannot afford that. I need to go to London. Even if  _he_ is there.

+   +  +

"What the fuck, Gemma? Why is there a boy on  _my_ armchair?!!"

"Hazel, chill! Stop crying, first."

"I don't know, Gemma, I am tired....and there is a boy sleeping on  _my_ armchair _in front_  of me!  No one is allowed to sit on my armchair, you know that! Get him away from here!!"

I can't take it. How dare someone sit on  _my_ armchair? I am ready to yank the boy out of the chair but I am busy crying in Anne's shoulder who is chuckling at me. Fuck these pregnancy hormones. After I brush away my tears, I look at the boy closely. Brown quiff laying flimsily on his forehead and eyes shut in confusion like he is about to get up. Okay, he is cute. But he is ion my armchair. And no one, absolutely NO ONE sits in my armchair. Good for him, the boy wakes up before I can do anything violent.

"G-Gemma?" he stutters and rubs his eyes which are one of the bluest eyes that I have ever seen. Okay lets be honest, he is CUTE. He slowly notices me and a stupid grin comes to his face. "George Noah Smith, and you must be Hazel, right?"

"Gemma, I need to talk to you now. In private." I tell her and we go to the kitchen.

"What, Haz?"

"Who the fuck is this man outside?"

"He is a friend."

"And how the hell does he know who I am?"

"Because I told him."

"And why would that be?"

"Becauseyouneedtomoveon."

"I didn't catch that."

"Because. You. Need. To. Move.On. You can't keep running after Harry."

"Why are you even mad at him, Gemma? I was the one who broke his heart..."

"Yes, but you fixed him, you showed him how to love, you gave him a life and he just left you. He might be my brother, but he is an asshole..."

"The problem is, I don't  _want_ to move on, Gemma."

"Hazel...."

"No, Gemma. I am not ready and I never will. He was once mine, Gems. And I don't want to stop loving him. When I close my eyes, I can see him by my side, smiling his beautiful smile and telling me that I am his forever. Its only once in a lifetime that such love happens, and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose him, the part which will always be with me. Today, my heart is beating the same as it was when he was here, but I am just half of who I was....the part of him that stays in my heart is keeping me breathing. Its irrational, I know, but that is what love is."

"I understand, Hazel. But will you please try....for me, for Harriet?"

"I have to go to London, I need to check on Zayn..."

"Then let George come with you."

"Fine...."

+       +       +

Noah (I know his name is George but I like Noah better so I call him that.) is a very good person and I can see us becoming best friends in the future. But I will not replace Harry. We are in London standing outside Zayn's door. Noah has gone somewhere because I told him that I needed to deal with this on my own.

Zayn has not opened the door yet even after ringing the bell twice. I get impatient and get the key to his house from where he keeps it hidden in the flower pot outside his house. I open the door and enter the house. To people who don;t know him, Zayn's house would look normal. But to me, it looked like a tornado. Every wall was covered with framed paintings by Zayn. Zayn never put up his own paintings. I close the door and go to Zayn's art room. As soon as open the door, an overwhelming feeling hits me and tears subconsciously roll down my cheeks. Every inch of the wall is covered with paintings of Niall. This was the most hurt and pain that I had ever seen. All among this tragic beauty, curled in a ball, Zayn Malik lay asleep.

I go to him and with much difficulty, sit down. I kiss his forehead and he opens his bloodshot honey eyes. "Haz?" he whispers and I shush him. He gets up and touches his forehead to mine. He is beautiful. Our eyes search each others. We both need love.

"Complete me, Hazel, just for today..."

"Just for today, Zayn..."

And then our lips meet.


	33. Ripping the Band-Aid Off

_"...our lips meet..."_

Hazel

Zayn's hand is gripping my neck and mine is cupping his face. There is so much desperation as our lips move against each other's. We both are trying to get the butterflies, which we felt with our earlier partners but it's not working, it just is not. Kissing Zayn is so nice but it's just not Harry. It's not butterflies and love and craziness. I know that Zayn feels the same, but we both are done, done with being alone, being away from love. That's what we both need: love.

We finally pull away and I look in his brown, brown eyes. It's heartbreaking to see his doe-shaped eyes filled with some many tears. I love him, I admit I do, but I don't love him like I love Harry, and I wish so much that I did. It would be perfect- I have known him for three years, we share the same interests, we are together for most of our time and we can do anything for each other, but I cannot feel the butterflies with him, I can't feel my heart burning when he looks at me, I don't feel goosebumps when he touches me, and I know even he doesn't feel that way. He's just not Harry, and I am just not Niall.

"I am sorry, Haz. I shouldn't have done that, I know. Damn! I am such an idiot-"

"Stop, Zayn. Even I kissed you back. It's not your fault; we both are going crazy. Well, I need to leave, Zayn. I still have to go to Lilo's and then go back to Cheshire."

"Cheshire?"

"Yeah. I am living with Anne and Gemma; they think that I cannot take care of myself."

"Well, that's true. Anyways, should I drop you at Liam's?"

"No, I have Noah with me."

"Now who's Noah?"

"A dumbo that Gemma has given me to accompany around."

"Fine, then off you go."

"Buh-bye, Zi. Take care of yourself. And don't forget to call me to tell you are alive."

"'Kay, mum. Now get out of my house, you dumbo."

We both laugh but there still are tears on our cheeks. As I walk out of his apartment, I have no idea of what is to come or the tears that I shed were not going to be the last ones that I was going to shed today.  

I come out of Zayn's apartment and down in the street. I then call Noah. He tells me that he is with his mates, and I don't bother him. I slowly start walking. I don't intend to go to Liam and Louis's walking, but I need some time on my own. My life has been such a mess. I sigh. Suddenly I feel myself get drenched with water.

"What the hell! Look where you're going!!" I shout as I look down and brush the water off me.

"Hazel?", a familiar voice says, and I freeze. My heart stops when I look up to meet two frosty green eyes.

"H-Harry?"

"How are you here?"

"Came to help Liam and Louis in their pre-nuptial shopping."

"Y-your dress is ruined, wanna come to my place and change?"

"'Kay..."

My heart is drumming painfully as Harry lightly puts his hand around my waist. This is bringing so many memories back, and it's hurting, it's hurting so much. I have no idea how I control myself from bursting out into tears as we drive to Harry's place. We get out of the car and get into the elevator. Neither of us is talking as we slowly go up. When did we drift so far apart? We reach Harry's floor, and he leads me into his apartment. It is nice and cozy and so Harry.

As Harry leads me to his room, I cannot help but peep into one of the other rooms, the door to which was slightly ajar. A drop-dead gorgeous girl lay asleep inside the covers. She is naked. And she has love bites dotting her neck. Harry's shirt is laying on the floor. I collide with wall as thousands of tears roll down my cheeks. I put my hand to my mouth to muffle my cries. My heart is breaking so bad, it is physically hurting. I quickly wipe away the hot tears on my face and follow Harry. I have to keep my shit together until I am out of here at least.

Harry's rooms is messy, but it also makes my heart lift. He stand in the middle of the room scratching his neck awkwardly.

"So, umm, how are you Hazel?"

"Coping. And you?"

"Breathing. Well I have an album on the way."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Can I... can I possibly see the bump?"

"Yeah, okay."

I sit down on his bed and remove my shirt. I sense Harry suck in a breath. I look to the side. I can't see him now, I just can't. A single tear rolls down my cheek when I feel Harry's lips on my stomach. It reminds me of those days when Harry and I were still together.

(Flashback)  
 _A smile finds its way to my face when I feel Harry's lips on my stomach. "Daddy loves you, Harriet..." Harry mutters and my heart swells. I can picture us as a family- Harry, Harriet, and me. I love it how Harry considers himself to be Harriet's father._

_"Turn around babe." I tell him and he does. He is on the floor while I am on the bed. I start to_   
_braid his hair._

(Back to Present)

"D-daddy loves you, baby girl, so much. Daddy missed you so much, Harriet." Harry whispers and I feel his voice break. Why is he doing this to me? I feel Harriet kick and Harry looks at me with wide eyes. Harriet loves Harry's voice. I have been playing his voice to Harriet for the last couple of months. Pearl-like tears roll down Harry's cheeks as he gently place his large hand on my bump, feeling Harriet's kicks.There is a wild look in his eyes as he gets up and sits beside me. He is about to out his hand on my stomach again but he sniffs the air and frowns."This is not the perfume you usually put. Who were you with?" Harry demands, and I am scared. I know he can smell Zayn's cologne. I look down. 

"Tell me, Hazel! Were you with a boy? You found a replacement didn't you?" He shouts. 

"Are you crazy, Harry?! Wait, you're drunk, aren't you? As it is, you're not my boyfriend to be concerned about which boy I am with!"

"You are dating someone, aren't you?"

"I am not!"

"You are lying, just like before...."

"Well okay! Yes, I did kiss Zayn but at least I am not fucking some whore!"

"I don't love her, Hazel...."

"And you don't love me, Harold! If you had, maybe you would have forgiven me once, heard me out! I have been here with open arms waiting for you for three months now and you don't even care about me. I have been stubborn about this, I have been loving you with all my heart but I know it doesn't matter anymore, and I am done with your shit! I should have left as soon as I saw that girl in your room, but I still stayed and let you near me because I thought that you deserved to interact with Harriet. How can you even talk to me like that, I just kissed someone. You fucked this and I don't know how many more girls!"

"Then go! Go to your lover boy and kiss him again!"

"You know what, I will fucking go and kiss Zayn." 

With hot tears running down my cheeks, I quickly wear my drenched shirt and storm out of his house. I have finally let it all out and I doubt if he ever really loved. When will this shit end? I am done with this hurt. I hail a taxi and go to Louis's house. I just want to be in his embrace now. I ring the doorbell of his house and quickly wipe away my tears. The door opens, and I am surprised to see Niall by the door. 

He looks different. His eyes have bags under them and there is a small bandage on his forehead. There are small and big wounds littered across his body and he has become sickly thin. If it were a normal day, Niall would have opened the door with a grin. But the person in front of me is just alive, alive but not Niall. Seeing him and seeing him like this is like slowly and painfully twisting the knife that Harry has stabbed me with. I have been burying these feelings inside me and now it just feels like ripping off a band-aid; it's so sudden and unexpected and so painful. I am tired, so tired, and I let all my strength go. I fall into Niall's arms and sob into his shoulders as he puts his hands around my weakly, rubbing circles with his thumb. I just want to be okay now, just okay...  


	34. Something Great.

_"...just okay..."_

**Hazel**

I follow Niall inside and it looks like there is some crisis going on. Also there is this new girl sitting on the bar-stool. Liam is sitting on the couch with Louis on his lap with his face buried in the crook of Liam's neck while he is rocking him slightly. I walk in and no one even notices. I sit on the couch and watch what happens next.

"L-li?" Louis whispers and Liam rubs circles on his back.

"I'm here, baby...Do you wanna go to sleep bub? You must be tired."

"Nah. Wanna stay..."

"Lou please? We have so much to do for the wedding, we need all the energy you have right?"

"Umm...'kay. But you stay with me."

"Always, baby boy."

And then Liam carries Louis to the bedroom. I ask Niall," So what happened here?"

"Louis's panic attacks are back."

My heart sinks at this. Louis has anxiety, but he had been doing so well....till now. Just now, before their wedding everything seems to go wrong. We sit in silence for a while when the girl sitting there decides that she's had enough.

"Guys, you need to cheer up- shit I haven't introduced myself to you, Hazel. I'm Emma Catherine Jones. I'm Niall's- I don't know." Emma says smiling. She is a beautiful girl, with chest length hair, which is brown with blonde highlights. She isn't super thin like I used to be before the pregnancy, but her size looks beautiful on her. She has almond-shaped eyes, which are a beautiful dusk shade.

"She is my kind-of girlfriend." Niall says with a small smile and I don't know whether I feel happy for him or hurt because he has moved on and Zayn still loves him to the end of the world.

"Kind of?" I ask.

"Like, we are not sure about this, we are taking our time."

"Umm, Can we all go somewhere?" She asks, and I nod. I really need a change. Niall sighs and gets up. I can't see him like this- so sad and weak.

"You should carry on, I am not coming with you," Niall says and goes to the kitchen. I want to do something, something to help him bring his smile back, but who am I kidding? I myself have forgotten how to smile, who am I to make Niall smile? Emma smiles sadly at me and drags me out of the house. She is right. I really do need to get out of here because I just am going crazy.

 My phone starts ringing. It's Gigi. I pick up the phone call. 

"Haaazeeel!"

"Hi, Gigi."

"Are you in London?"

"Yes I am."

"We need to meet."

"Why, is something wrong?"

"Does something need to be wrong for us to meet? Anyways, I'll tell you when we are together. Are you free today?"

"I am actually heading out now. You can join us, I have a friend with me."

"Sounds cool. Where should we meet?"

"Starbucks in fifteen?"

"Kay. See ya."

"Buh-bye Haziboo.."

"Bye Vigi-Gigi!" (A/N Kendall REALLY calls her Vigi!) I chuckle and Emma looks at me like I have grown two heads. All of my conversations with Gigi are weird.

 + + +

After window shopping for baby clothes, Emma and I find ourselves sitting in a cosy corner of Starbucks sipping on some coffee. 

"So Hazel, tell me your story."

"From what point in time?"

"The very start."

"Okay. My mum's name is Johannah. She died giving birth to me. Our parents had got divorced before I was born so Louis and I were left in an orphanage after mum died. Our mum had left us a good amount of money so that we are well educated until Louis starts earning. Louis was five when mum died so he kinda remembers her, I don't. Louis met Niall at during elementary school and they became besties. Niall's dad is a billionaire and both his parents didn't have time for him even then so he used to just end up at the orphanage with Louis and me most of the time. He is like another Louis for me because I practically know him from birth. So at the age of fourteen, Lou started running errands to earn a bit of money. By the time that Louis was eighteen, we had enough money to rent an apartment. Louis then completed his education and got a proper job. With the money I earned and Louis's income, we bought a house. About three years back Louis met Liam and they fell in love. It was the same time when Niall and I met Zayn who was incidentally Liam's best friend. All was well till about five months ago when I was raped. It was Liam and Louis's idea to send me to stay with Niall as he wanted 'help' with one of the clients. So I went to Ireland, and I was living with Niall. Even Zayn came and I had to pretend to be Niall's sister while Zayn had to pretend to be Niall's boyfriend. That is when I met Harry, and I think Niall must have told you about everything that happened next."

"Wow. Your life is pretty...complicated. I am so sorry for everything...."

"Don't be. The shit that is happening in my life is none of your fault. I am just tired of all this. It just doesn't seem to end, you know? Well how did you meet Niall?"

"I was giving out free cupcakes on the street cause I accidentally made too many. Niall was passing by and decided to take all of them and we started talking."

"When did you're status change from 'we-started-talking' to 'we're-kinda-dating'?"

"A few days back. I mean I really like Niall, but I see in his eyes that his heart is for someone else. I don't want to get into something when he is not happy with me, so I just put it off for now. "

Emma smiles sadly and looks away. I appreciate her for giving Niall his space because it is a hundred per cent evident that that dumbo isn't over Zayn yet. Just then Gigi comes. There are introductions and 'how are you doing's' and then Gigi gets to the point.

 "Hazel, so you know how famous you are on Instagram, right?"

"Yeah, I mean half of your pics are with me."

"So I was contacted by Tommy Hilfiger and they want you to model for them with me for the Gigi collection, after the baby, that is."

"What the fuck?"

"Say yes, Hazel, this is your big scoop!"

"Yes!!!"

"That's my girl!!"  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the new character, Emma, is based on one of my besties. Her name is Mitali, and I swear to god, she is secretly a teddy bear. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx


	35. Confessions of Harry Styles.

_"...my girl!.."_

**Harry** **(finally!)**

I. Am. Going. Crazy.

My mind is still whirring after the encounter with her. What was I even thinking, bringing her home with me?! But she... she looked so damn beautiful.

Thank god the girl in my room went home on her own; I was in no mind to kick someone out. It's been three hours since Hazel left, and I have been sitting in this corner of the room. What is wrong with me?

Hazel's words ring in mind.  _"And you don't love me, Harold! If you had, maybe you would have forgiven me once, heard me out! I have been here with open arms waiting for you for three months now and you don't even care about me. I have been stubborn about this, I have been loving you with all my heart, but I know it doesn't matter anymore and I am done with your shit! I should have left as soon as I saw that girl in your room, but I still stayed and let you near me because I thought that you deserved to interact with Harriet. How can you even talk to me like that, I just kissed someone. You fucked this and I don't know how many more girls!"_

How can she say that? Does she know anything, anything about how I have spent the past three months? Does she know that when I wake up, all that I crave for is her presence beside me? Does she know how just thoughts of her run through my mind?

"Is Hazel okay?"

"Has she eaten?"

"Her hair must have grown, I wonder how she looks now..."

"Has she moved on?"

Does Hazel know how I try to find her in each girl that I sleep with? Does she know how badly I try to forget her with each bottle that I chug down? And she says I don't love her? Does she know about all the drunken songs that I wrote about her and are going to be in my album? Hell, does she know that my album is named 'Olivia'?

Hazel still loves me, she said so today and even I haven't moved on. I could make all this right if I just forgive her. I know her side of the story and all that is left is to forgive her. But every time that I decide to myself that I'll call her up and tell her that we can start it all over again, just the fact that Hazel broke my trust comes to my mind, and I am back to square one. However much I crave her, forgetting everything just doesn't feel right. My trust has been broken way too many times to allow me to forgive Hazel. Hazel was the first person that I trusted so fast and so much. I had just started to believe in love, and Hazel just comes and throws me back to the ground. I know she keeps saying that she did it for my own good, but at the end of the day, this is the truth; I cannot love anyone ever after.

I hate myself right now. I am in this state where I want Hazel so bad, but I am the one who is pushing her away. My heart is breaking without her, yet it is I who is not allowing her to heal me. I can't let her love me, and I can't stop loving her. I am dying without her, but I am also the one who is killing myself. I just want this to stop. I just want to be okay... Just okay for once....

_Just okay for once..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think, is Harry right? Is it really Hazel's duty to be open to Harry? Isn't it Harry's duty too to be patient and find out what Hazel is actually made of? Well, I think Harry's words are going to come and bite him in his ass one day. Tell me your views in the comments section below! Adios!
> 
> All the love,  
> H. XXX
> 
> P.S. Kiss my ass people cause I updated early😎😎😎


	36. Weddings and All.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you are!  
> All the love,  
> H xxx

_...just okay for once..."_

**Hazel**

Three months. Three months have passed since I last met Harry and I AM FUCKING HUGE. I am eight months pregnant and extremely ready to get this baby out already. I think that God has some fucking problem with my family and I. Everyone, every fucking one is hurting due to one reason or the other and I think, that is one of the main reasons we stand here, together and so strong. Niall mysteriously turns up at home every day scarred. Louis's panic attacks don't let him sleep and this doesn't let Liam sleep. Zayn isn't Zayn anymore and then there is me who has lost all control over my emotions. But here we are at Liam and Louis's house on Lilo's wedding day, the boys looking dapper in black tuxedos while I, in a beautiful black floor-length gown all ready for the big day. I know that people usually wear white at weddings but Liam and Louis have decided to do a black theme in support against sexual harassment in the entertainment industry. The boys have a white rose neatly tucked in the lapel (except for Louis who is wearing a flower crown made up of white roses) while I am holding mine in my hand. This means so much to me, especially after what happened with me not too long ago.

I am the maid of honour and Niall is the groomsman for Louis. Harry is the best man and Zayn is the groomsman for Liam. We are ready to leave, just that Mr. 'Oh-so-pretty' and 'I-like-being-fashionably-late' Harry Styles is missing. He is such an asshole but at the same time so devilish-ly a gentleman....damn, I'm going bonkers again. And then he comes in with a "Sorry lads, got caught up." I bet that all that he was caught up in was in making his hair look perfectly messy. But damn, is he looking good. He is wearing a black dress-shirt and a black tux. It would have been quite normal an attire had he not worn those bottoms which widened a bit at the end and had a red design on them. Even he had a white rose in his hand. Now, if Liam, Niall, Louis or Zayn  **EVER**  wore those bottoms, they would look ridiculous but Mr. Harry Styles makes them look so fucking sexy! He can pull off anything, really.

Our eyes lock for a moment and I can't help but feel my heart sink a bit, but I put wavering smile on my face. "L-Lets go, boys." I say and waddle out of the house. I will not let anything go wrong today, absolutely  _anything_.

\+ + +

Louis, Niall and I are already at the Venue. The guests are already seated, all wearing black and adorning white roses. We are ready. Louis and I don't have parents so very graciously Niall's brother, Greg is ready to give Louis away. He stands beside us smiling at Louis. Louis fidgets a bit with his flower crown. Black bags have formed under his eyes from all those sleepless nights but he is looking so damn beautiful. He is scared, I know. I can't believe how far we have come. Louis,  _my_ Louis is getting married! I cup his face in my hands and press a kiss on his forehead. "You're gonna always be my boobear, remember that...even if you become a Payne now." I say as a tear rolls down my chin. He quickly wipes it off and hugs me. "We're gonna be alright, I promise Haz." He whispers and I shut my eyes. I want to freeze this moment. I don't want to be so grown up so fast. But then he pulls away.

Liam and Harry enter and stand at the altar. It is time. Zayn smiles at me and I hook my arm with his and we enter walk down the aisle and take our positions. Then Louis comes in with Greg and Liam looks at him as if he is the sun. I want a love like that.

The ceremony goes on beautifully and we reach the point where the wedding vows have to be taken. Liam starts off, "I can't believe I am here and about to marry you, Louis. I remember how adamant you were three years back about not dating me. And I remember how adamant I was about getting you to like me. And finally you said yes. But that isn't the only thing. Its not just your beautfiul blue eyes or your chestnut coloured hair or your tattoos or your sassy attitude. It is also because you...you make me stronger as a person. You showed me things that I had never seen. You brought me where I am today. I swear if I hadn't met you, I would have never become what I am now. You showed me your scars and all I wanted to do was to help you stop hurting. I want to tell you that you are the most perfect person for me, and even if you aren't, your imperfections make you perfect for me. I want to help you stop hurting and I promise I'll never let you go. You are my life, Louis, my entire life and I promise, I'll dedicate it to you."

There is no dry eye in here anymore. Louis is silently crying rivers. He slowly wipes his tears and starts speaking, "I....I don't know how effective mine will be after  _that_. Well, Liam, I have been living all my life alone with just Hazel and Niall. You complete me, Liam. You were the holy grail that I have searched for my whole life. You heal me. Some times pain gets so damn hard, but there you are and everything is alright. You are a part of me now and I cannot imagine a life without you. I promise I'll be here always. I promise I'll always support you in whatever you decide to do. I promise I'll keep loving whether I am alive or dead. I am forever yours, till my eyes stop shining and the world stops turning. I promise you my life, my heart, my soul and everything you want form me. I love you so much, Li, you have no idea."

The priest then says, "Liam, do you take Louis to be your husband? Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life?"

"I do."

Louis, do you take Liam to be your husband? Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life?"

"I do."

Liam and Louis then exchange rings and this is the most beautiful ceremony ever. The priest then says with a smile, "Louis and Liam, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and husband.

You have kissed a thousand times, maybe more.

But today the feeling is new.

No longer simply partners and best friends, you have become husband and husband and can now seal the agreement with a kiss.

Today, your kiss is a promise.

You may kiss the groom."

With this, Liam pulls Louis by the waist earning a giggle from him and touches their foreheads. "Love you, babe." Louis says and Liam attacks his lips. The audience claps and I clap along with it....

\+ + +

"C'mon Hazel! Dance with me!" I hear Zayn shout over the music and he extends his hand. He looks so happy for the first time in a  _lot_  of time and it is his happiness that pulls me to him. I go close to him and he takes my hand. He places his hands on my waist and I put mine around his neck. He gives me a sly wink and I bite my lip. This has been going on for so long, now. We have been flirting with each other for almost three months and it is so damn fun. Like, due to the wedding preparations Niall and Harry were always with us so we would flirt with each other so bad and the jealous expressions on Niall and Harry were always precious. Zayn and I burst out laughing when we glance at the other side. Harry and Niall are dancing with each other, shooting glares at Zayn and I. We twirl around awkwardly (mainly because my extra-large belly was coming in our way) and then all this bliss breaks when the circle that we are dancing in turns further and we exchange our partners while dancing. Harry grips my waist with overwhelming force and my breathe hitches. My eyes meet his and....he is angry. We twirl and dance till Harry leads me into the shadows. My heartbeat is getting unnaturally fast. This isn't normal. Fuck!

His breathe fans on my face and he kisses my neck, I close my eyes. Damn, I shouldn't let him do this to,me. "Having fun giving me a hard time, aren't you?" he says as he nibbles on my earlobe. However tempting it feels to continue this, this needs to stop. I push him away gently and he looks flustered. "S-sorry....I shouldn't have done that...."

"It's okay. I-i think we should go back, should we?"

"Yeah, we should"  
\+ + +

Everyone's gone but we still are here at the venue. Liam, Niall and Zayn are drunk and Louis, Harry and I are watching their ridiculousness. At one point in time Zayn pulls me on my feet and I swear he is so adorable! We dance like before and Harry huffs then walking away. What the fuck is wrong with him? He pretty well knows that Zayn has his eyes only for Niall and that this just something very friendly. He isn't enjoying and is not even letting me enjoy.

I detach myself from Zayn and follow Harry right to the gate. I yank his arm and he turns around. He is crying. I gently wipe his tears off and kiss his forehead. "It's okay, baby..." I say and he pulls away from me. "Its fucking not, Hazel. It might be for you, but it can never be 'okay' for me!" he says, frustrated and it hits me right in the heart.

"Harry Styles, then let me. Let me make this 'okay' for you. Let me fix this. I'm sorry, god I so fucking sorry for the lie that I said. But Harry, I'm still learning. I see a new aspect of you every time we meet and I want to discover you, know you as you are. One month wasn't enough....Please,  _astre_ please let me help you..."

He looks at me with so much of love but he turns away and starts walking. I can't take it anymore. I can't take him walking away every single time. My hope and every ounce of energy to hope is saturated. I am done.

""Har-Harry please stop! We, we can do this together. Please! Don't go Harry, please don't leave. I'll break. Harry!" I shout through tears and he keeps on walking. He crosses the road and I follow him till the middle but he sits in his car and drives off. I place a hand on my forehead and leave shaky sobs. Its then that I look to the side to see two headlights coming towards me and then everything is black....

\+ + +

Pain, pain, pain. That is all that I can feel now, in my hands, legs, head and ore than anything else, in my stomach. Wait, Harriet?! Someone needs to save her, I need my baby. I hear people screaming and rushing around me. I need to open my eyes but someh _ow_ I can't. But they flutter open when Louis's worried voice floats in my ears. "Save her, do whatever, please...." he cries to the doctors. Where is Harry? I need him. "Louis....H-Harry?...." I manage to say but he doesn't pay attention to my question. He replies with a "Please baby, don't close you're eyes...." Now it seems even more tempting to close my eyes. I could just let go, let go of myself, of Harry, of everything. But what about Harriet? She deserves to live. I feel another wave of pain and I vaguely feel myself letting out a scream. I am tired, maybe I should just go to sleep. But Louis wants me to be awake. My eyes voluntarily close.

_I opened the door when Zayn tapped me on the shoulder so I turned around. But then I realized that I probably made a very horrible first impression by welcoming the boy home with my back towards me. I turned around yet again and was met with probably the world's most beautiful captivating eyes. We stared at each other for a while, looking into each other's eyes. Zayn cleared his throat and I was broken out of my thoughts. I snapped my fingers in front of the boy's face and he came back to planet earth. He seemed so startled that he dropped his water bottle on my feet spilling its contents. "Oops?" he said sheepishly and god he looked so cute! A wonderful crimson came over my cheeks and I replied with a "Hi!". I reckon my voice came out more high pitched than it normally is._

I feel my eyes open again. "Hazel, please listen to us. We need you to push. You want your baby in your hands, don't you?" I nod to the person and with a scream give a push. My eyes close again. I am so fucking tired.

_Liam had been getting onto Hazel's nerves by talking to her like it was extremely easy for her to stay with Harry because it was fucking not. She snarled at last, finally letting out all the anger she had kept inside for the past many days,"Dreams, Liam? To me, the way he is acting is kinda wrong. Agreed that he had made plans had dreams and without Lucy he feels empty but...but if he decides to move on, if he wants to move on then he can find another girl, fall in love and complete those dreams again. But what about me,Liam? What about me? Even I had dreams. Even I wanted to fall in love. Even I wanted to feel special. But can I now? Can you bring back what I lost? Can you bring back my purity, my chastity, my virginity? Can you do that Liam? Who will love someone like me now? That night I died, Liam. I died inside. What is left is the physical body which is a constant torturous reminder. Can you change anything? Can my dream come true now? No, it cannot. So just cut the crap and stop talking like all this is easy...please. I just want to come home. I don't want to do this...." Hazel had fallen onto the floor and it felt like she was finally breathing right._

I open my eyes again. "Harry...." I manage to say. I want him, I need him. I cannot go any further. I want to just go to sleep, I am so tired. I close my eyes yet again...

_"There's where I get stuck." Harry said. Hazel smiled and took the guitar. She read the lyrics. She closed her eyes and tried to feel them. She sighed with satisfaction when a perfect tune came to her. She sung the bridge with her eyes closed because tears were pricking them. When she finally opened her eyes, Harry was looking at her with tears swimming in his eyes. Hazel had made the part so soulful. Hazel gave him yet another smile. What she had come to talk about had been left back. But at that moment, she didn't care..._

I gasp and open my eyes. Everything is a blur as tears stream from my eyes. These memories that are resurfacing are making me crave for  _him_  even more. I can vaguely hear Louis crying nearby and I hear unknown people telling me to push. I grip a hand that is by mine and push with all my might giving out a strangled sob and thus closing my eyes yet again.

_I tell my conscience to shut up because I realize that Harry is kissing me back. I feel butterflies in my stomach and I am happy in a very unusual, un-explainable way._

_Kissing Harry reminds me of who I once really was. It makes me feel loved. It gives me promises which cannot be kept. It makes me forget everything around me and my whole world becomes Harry._

_But more than anything else, it makes me feel at_ **_home_ ** _..._

I need Harry. He is my oxygen, the cure to all my pain. Even when I try, I cannot open my eyes now...

_Yes, I, Hazel Amelia Tomlinson am in love with Harry Edward Styles. I know it is bloody fast but yes I love him. I love Harry from the deepest corners of my heart. I love his soft brown curls, I love his beautiful emerald eyes and how they are so expressive and always twinkly, I love his shy smile, I love his deep dimples, I love his cheeky smirk, I love his beautifully sculpted fingers, I love his deep voice and the scruffy texture it has when he wakes up, I love it when he drawls his words while talks, I love it when he is excited and becomes a child, I love his music, I love his cheesiness, I love his tattoos, I love his pathetic jokes, I love his tight jeans, I love his hats, I love his baking, I love his tea, I love his silents snores...and I love him. I don't just love him, but I am truly, madly, deeply in love with him.The world looks just so much brighter with Harry around. I know I fell to fast and too suddenly, but I did. And I am so happy. But at the same time, I am upset. I shouldn't have fallen for him. I didn't want to fall for him in the first place(if that makes sense.) I was scared that the might not love me back and its true. The person I am in love with is not in love with me. I am tracing Harry's tattoos as I am cuddled up to him. He is still asleep. I trace the tattoo on his waist saying 'I can't change' and it is one of my favourite tattoos of his because it is a very difficult thing to actually accept yourself as you are. It is something which I haven't been able to do. I admire Harry for loving himself before loving anyone else. I wish I was like him so bad..._

"Please Hazel....please try...Just one more push....you can do it!" I hear Louis yell. I cannot give up, not now when I'm so close to having Harriet in my hands. My eyes meet Louis's teary ones and I see so much hope in them. If I can't try for myself, atleast I have to try for him. I gather all my energy and push with a mighty shout. A beautiful cry fills the room but then they take her away immediately. I thrust my hand in that direction. I need my baby. But then they must have taken her away to clean her up. She's here. Harriet is finally out. I am allowed to go to sleep now. I close my eyes.

_"What the fuck?! You did not know?! This is such a big mess...Hazel why didn't you tell me all this before? I trusted you, I started believing in love for the first time and now you have just proven that all of that is utter bullshit! I can't believe I fell for your tricks! I gave you my all, I lay my heart open for you, Hazel, why couldn't you just do the same? It hurts to...."_

_"H-Harry p-please stop..."_

_".....know that everything that I had strived so hard for was just a made up story! I knew it! It is useless to fall in love; it only hurts you! I don't think I can ever love again after you, Hazel. Thank you for breaking my heart, for showing me that it is useless to trust.....and I thought I loved you"_

I love you too, baby. So much.....


	37. And Then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Okay, so things are shitty for Harzel right now, I know, but they'll get better, I swear!  
> Buh-byeeee!
> 
> All the love,
> 
> H xxx

I can't see. Why can't I see? Maybe I gotta open my eyes. Yeah, that must be it. I open my eyes with much difficulty. Everything is so blur. I lift my hand to wipe to my eyes but damn, that hurts. My vision slowly clears and the events of yesterday come back to me. Shit, where is Harriet? I look around and see Louis and Liam. I sit up painfully and they rush to me. "Harriet." is the first thing that I say. Liam and Louis look at each other worriedly. What the fuck?! I need Harriet. Nothing can happen to her, please. If she isn't alive, I swear I will die.

"Is she...is she alive?" I ask, finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"She is alive but....I think it is best if the doctors talk to you, Haz." Liam says sadly. Atleast she is alive.

"Did you see her, Liam and Lou?"

"We did."

"H-how is she? I mean how does she look, liam?"

"Oh, she's the cutest baby I have ever seen. She is tiny and pink and so damn cute! She even has a tuft of blonde hair, you know." Liam says with pride oozing through him. I just want to see her now.  _My_ Harriet, my baby girl is here. And I wasn't even the first one to see her.

The doctor enters the room and Liam and Louis leave.

"Ms. Tomlinson, how do you feel?"

"Sore. And my arm hurts. So does my rib area... What happened to my baby?"

"The baby is alive. She was lucky because the bump did not have a direct contact with the hit but of course, it has caused some damage. The baby has neonatal respiratory distress syndrome. The injuries that the baby has undergone, she might face some complications in the future . She is severely underweight. Though less, there are chances of her survival. There's always  **hope**  afterall." the doctor said with a reassuring smile. I heart swelled at it. There is hope. Always.

"When....when can I see her?"

"You can see her anytime, but you yourself are injured, Ms. Tomlinson. When you are finally healed you can go and see her yourself."

"No, I can wait that long, doctor. I need to see her now."

"But Ms. Tomlinson-"

"No, doctor. I don't care about myself, okay? I only and only want to see my baby. My freaking brother-in-law saw her before me!" I scream, getting all worked up.

"Fine, Ms. Tomlinson, just don't get all worked up; it won't be good for you. I'll send for a wheelchair but I am seriously against this."

"I don't care about what you think is right and what you don't; just get that wheelchair already!!" I shout and the doctor scurries out of the room. I tried to normalize my breathing because fuck, my chest is paining so fucking bad! All of that shouting didn't go well. I think my ribs are broken. Just then a thought comes to my mind. Where is Harry? I push it aside because I have much more important things to do. A nurse pushes through the door with a wheelchair and my heart hammers in my chest painfully. She helps me into the wheelchair and wheels me through a series of hallways. We finally go through door. The nurse pushes me close to an incubator. My heart stops for a second. In the incubator lay tiny, tiny baby. I can see her tiny chest heave up and down with difficulty as she lays in a tangled web of pipes. She is so precious. Tears silently roll down my cheeks as my hand subconsciously goes to touch the glass of the incubator. I love her so much. She is my baby,  _my_ baby.....

**Harry**

Fuck. Fucking hell. What have I done?! Its...Its my fault that Harriet and Hazel are in the hospital, that I may never see Harriet, that Hazel may never be the same. I grip my curls as tears roll down my cheeks. I slowly slide down the wall. Niall and Zayn look at me worriedly. They came home some time back and told me what had happened. If I had turned around yesterday, Hazel wouldn't be in the hospital right now. Like always, I have ruined everything. I broke Hazel's heart and now have caused her physical hurt too. She was right, Hazel, I mean. We could have done this together, figured it out together. But me being the shitty ass, walked away and Hazel and baby Harriet are paying the price now. And to say that I used to call myself Harriet's father. I am not her daddy and I don't even deserve to be. Instead of forgiving Hazel and taking care of her through her pregnancy especially when she had to juggle between college and Harriet, I chickened out, ran away, had sex with tons of girls and cried over my own shitty life. Ain't that impressive?

I hate myself so much. I didn't let myself love Hazel and I didn't even let her love me. I hurt us both. I am sure that Hazel will forgive me even after all this but I don't think  _I_ will be able to forgive myself ever again. I don't want to be here. I...I can't go on like this anymore. I just want to end it all. A wild wave rushes through me and I get up. I run to the kitchen and open a drawer. I remove a knife. I can do this, I can end this all for good.

"What the fuck, Haz?!" Zayn cries and pulls the knife out of my hand. Why doesn't he understand, I don't want to live anymore. Niall and Zayn are looking at me wide-eyed. Zayn is crying silently. I hurt him. What a shitty person am I. "Please..." is the last thing I whisper. The very last. I am never speaking again. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I am done. I am so done....


	38. Breathe and Sound.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen to this song while reading this chapter: https://youtu.be/rVltvZW9KOU It is called 'Breath and Sound' by Tom Goss ft. Matt Alber (the chapter's inspired by the song). It is one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. I broke this chapter in two because I was too tired to write. Anyways, as I said earlier, things will look up; keep that smile on, it looks good on ya!
> 
> All the love,
> 
> H xxx

**Hazel**

It was three weeks since I was in the hospital, and you know what, I was allowed to go home!! I simply couldn't believe it!  Harriet will still have to stay here but not for long, the doctor says. She is a fighter, she really is. Harry has seemed to disappear from the face of Earth. I keep asking Liam, Louis, Niall and Zayn but they always say that they will tell me when it is time. The curiosity is killing me.

I am currently cuddling with Liam in his and Louis's house. It must be weird for you to think that I am cuddling with my brother-in-law but it is not weird for us as Liam is my bestie before he is my brother-in-law. Plus I am hella tired and Liam gives the best cuddles. Louis had left his job in the Sunshine School for Deaf and Dumb (thought that had caused lots of tears) but he is happy cause he gets to pursue his passion for drama now. He is out right now, auditioning for a play.

I know I should be happy right now, but honestly, I am not. All I can think about is Harry. How is he,  _where_ is he? I voice my thoughts to Liam and he looks away, continuing to rub circles on my back. Its like always; he is dodging my questions. I grab his face in my hand and make him look at me. Tears are subconsciously brimming my eyes. "Please Liam...You don't know how much it's hurts without him. He's the Louis to my Liam...please tell me where is he. I need him." I manage to whisper. Even he is teary. "Hazel, Harry...he isn't okay."

"What's wrong?"

"He blames the accident on himself. He thinks that its because of the fact that he didn't wait and turn around and face you that the accident happened. He blames everything on himself. He tried to commit s-suicide and he hasn't spoken a word since. He wasn't eating and was getting nightmares. He was dangerous to himself....so-"

"So?"

"Niall got him admitted him to the mental hospital."

My world stops at his words. Harry must be hurting so much. Fuck, I need to make this right! A wave of realization hits me. I see everything crystal clear now. I know why Harry and I couldn't make this work. I know why all this,  _all_ this happened to us. We fell in love to fast. We fell and we expected so much from each other. Harry expected me to suddenly lay open to him in a tiny month and I expected him to understand even if I never explained. It wasn't just one of us; it was us both who took each other for granted, we committed ourselves even before we completely knew each other. Our love was true, but it was young and raw and un-experienced. Had we taken a tad bit of time, just some truths, just some words, we wouldn't have been here. If we had taken it all slow and gotten to know each other, we wouldn't be hurting now. All we needed was just a little bit of breath and sound, just a  little bit of holding on and letting go, a little bit for reaching out. And time's not gone. We can still make it. We can still do this together. We can get this right. We just need to take our time. And we all the time in the world. We just need  **a little bit of breath and sound....**


	39. Breath and Sound Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am not okay. I FUCKING NOT OKAY CAUSE ONLY 2 MORE CHAPTER TO GO!!!!

**Hazel**

I try to think straight. How am I going to face Harry? I need to do something. And then I remember.  I rush to the kitchen and hoping that we have all the ingredients. Thankfully, we do. With an unknown force driving me, I start making the batter. I am making cupcakes. The doctors had strictly told me not rush round, lift heavy things, move round too much or panic. And that was exactly what I am doing. There is an evident pain in my ribs and my hand hurt as I pull down the flour. "Hazel, what are you doing?!" Liam says. "Let me do this....please" I whisper. Nevertheless, Liam helps me and I smile.

+       +       +

My heart is hammering painfully in my chest as I enter the mental hospital.  
"It'll be alright, it's just Harry", I repeat to myself. And that does nothing to my condition. Fuck this. I limp inside earning smiles from nurses. Its like they know me. Weird. Its at the reception that I see them. Niall and Zayn. I wait to see what is going on. Niall's hands are on Zayn's waist while Zayn's are around Niall's neck. Zayn pecks Niall's lips with a quick tired smile and detaches himself from him. With a tiny wave and immense blush, Zayn leaves the hospital. I walk to Niall. He is all red in the face now. I smirk. "You guys are back together?" I ask. He smiles and looks away. "Not exactly, but we'll get there eventually, I think..." he says and my heart swells. I am so happy they're not fighting anymore; I couldn't let my ship sink, could I? We talk for a bit and Niall leads me to Harry's room. I shut my eyes and breathe in outside the door. I push open the door and enter in. I don't open my eyes yet. I don't know why I am so scared when its just  _Harry_ that I have to talk to. But it is the same Harry who I haven't heard of in 21 days, it is the same Harry who I have been fighting with about 6 months, it is the same Harry who....who tried to kill himself. Yet, it is the same Harry that I fell in love with, the same Harry who I gave my hope, the same Harry who is the father of my daughter, it is the same Harry who is my best friend, it is the same Harry who is the reason for my very existence, it is the same Harry who is home, laughter, smiles, tears, healing and everything good in this world.

"O-Olivia?" I hear a small voice. My eyes shoot open and my heart momentarily stops. In the corner of the room by the french window with legs pulled to his chest, wearing a hospital gown is Harry. He has grown so thin and there are bags under his eyes. He gets up and stumbles to me. What hurts more than his appearance is the fact that i can see nothing in his eyes. There is no happiness, no sadness, no recognition,  _nothing_. "Baby..." I mutter through subconscious tears. The box with the cupcakes falls on the floor and run up to him. He wraps his hands around my waist with his hands balled in fists. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe in his scent. I can't take it anymore. I break down. I sob shamelessly in his embrace though it should be me comforting him and not the other way round. The fact the Harry isn't crying laughing, talking is stabbing me. He...he looks dead.

I do not know for how much time we stand like that. At last, I am able to pull myself together. I lead Harry to his bed and we sit. I open the box of cupcakes. Harry looks at it and then at me. The empty look in his eyes can make me burst out in tears all over again, and I cannot let that happen. I put on a wavering smile and start off, "Y-you remember, Haz, when we were back in Ireland we had that baking spree? We had baked cupcakes and you had wanted my cupcake and I wasn't giving it to you. Look I've brought you a whole box of...box of them now..." He gives no reaction to this and I can't take it anymore. "Please baby...I am sorry.  'M sorry for whatever I have done to you but please...please say something. Scream, shout, tell me to leave, tell me you hate me, but p-please don't be quiet....please." I sob and he continues to stare at me. He slowly reaches down at the box and pulls out a cupcake. Looking at me dead in the eyes, he takes a bite. I give a teary giggle. "I love you, you know that right?" I chuckle. Harry gets up and goes to the bathroom. I look at my  hands on my lap and the ring on my finger.

"You are really a miracle-worker, aren't you?" I hear a soft voice say and I turn around. Niall looks at me with a smile and comes up to me.

"What miracle did I do?"

"Cupcakes."

"Huh?"

"Harry wasn't eating, he didn't want to eat anything, he was starving himself. We had to forcefully make him eat everyday and today...he's eaten on his own. Its all because of you Hazel."

I look at him dazed. I did that? This is an indication that things are on the way to become better now. A lot of shitty things have happened in our lives but I think that they are ending now. Everything. We had reached a point where absolutely  _nothing_  could be worse. And that is the reason why now things are getting better. Our love, our hearts made it through all trials that life threw at us and they will continue to make it...if we keep hoping. All we need and all we have is our breathe and sound and of course, our hope....


	40. Flight.

_...and of course, our hope..."_

**Hazel**

"I don't think I can fly to LA right now, Tom..." I say into the phone. Tom, from Calvin Klein wants me to fly down to LA for the next shoot.

Buzz. That is what everything is now. I mean in the past 14 days, my whole life has changed. Number one, Harriet is coming home today. Second, I have been able to coax a few words out of Harry, he now eats on his own (without much persuasion), he smiles at people and communicates with us through writing. And finally three, I modeled for Tommy Hilfiger and now companies are calling me to work for them and I have already signed in to model for Calvin Klein's new collection. Having had modelled now, my fans are all in a frenzy, because I haven't been on any social media for nine months and all of a sudden they see me on posters and shit. It's crazy, really but I am not in the state to actually tell people what had happened in the past nine months.

I am so busy all the time right now and I don't really know if it's a bad thing. I mean, everyone is busy. Liam is down in New York doing promo stuff. Louis is almost always out rehearsing for the play he got cast for. Zayn is busy with his new novel. Niall is busy with the hospital and shit. Harry is busy getting better and Harriet is busy being cute. I, on the other hand, like to think that I am the busiest. I wake up every morning, go for a run, come back, go meet Harry, go see Harriet, go to work (if I have any shoot), come back home, sleep and start it all over again the next day. I don't quite have much time for myself right now, but that's okay.

The only thing closest to being bad was the scare Harriet gave me. When Harriet first opened her eyes not so frequently, they were all clouded like those of blind people. I was almost in tears but the doctors said that a little treatment would remove the defect in her eyes. Harriet hasn't opened her eyes since (mostly because the doctors have put a bandage on them.) and I am so eager for the time she finally does.

I look at myself in the mirror. My hair has grown till my shoulders now.

For the first time in forever, I am not ashamed. I mean I always did know I had a nice fit body, that I looked what people called 'pretty' but ever since the rape, I could only see  _his_  filthy hands on me. But not now. I don't see myself as Hazel, The Girl Who Was Raped, but I see myself as Hazel, the Girl who is a Strong Confident Mother. Mother. Damn, it hits me every time I call myself that. I know I am supposed to happy that Harriet is okay and I am okay, and I swear I am happy, but at the same time, it makes me a bit sad too. It's just that I am too young. I am still twenty; I have dreams to fulfill, I want to be careless, go to crazy parties, get drunk. I don't want to forever be that mother who is cooped up in her house because of her baby. I mean I love Harriet with all my fucking heart, but I don't want her to tie me down. I haven't even held her in my arms yet and I don't even know if I can be a good mother. After all, I have absolutely no experience when it comes to babies. I have bought a house here in London and I have the nursery for Harriet all set up. I have all the baby clothes and equipment that I need. But that doesn't mean I am ready for this. Fuck, I am miles far from being even close to ready.

Now I am legit shaking now and my breathe hardens. Everything is jumping out at me too fast. I twirl my phone in my hands thinking what to do. I am no way going there on my own. Liam was really sad because he couldn't be there with me when the baby came home. Louis is coming but he'll be a bit late. Niall is busy and I don't think Zayn can come. And then it clicks. Anne. I can call Anne to come with me! I quickly call her up.

"Anne?"

"Yes, Hazel, it's me."

"Where are you, Anne?"

"I am just meeting Harry right now. I am just leaving. Why you need something?"

"Yeah kinda. I was wondering if you and Gems could come with me to get Harriet home..."

"O my gosh, yes! When are you leaving?"

"In five-ten minutes. I'll pick you two up."

"Gosh, I am so excited to meet her!"

"Me too, Anne. Me too."

"Just wait- what?- Oh, Niall says that he and Zayn want to come too."

"Well, the more the merrier! Meet you in a few."

"All the best dear."

I disconnect the phone call. "Ready to go?" Noah smiles at me. He's here to give me company cause I was bored and we wanted to catch up with each other's lives. I hold his hand and he looks at me with those blue eyes. Here goes nothing...

\+ + +

I am in the hospital with Louis, Niall, Zayn, Gemma, Anne, Noah, Emma and Gigi (and also Liam because we have facetime-d him) surrounding. In short, just Harry's not here. I wish. I leg bobs subconsciously and Louis rubs my back. Then the doctor comes in holding a tiny bundle. My heart stops involuntarily. I get up. The doctor comes closer to me. With a reassuring smile, he places the pink bundle in my trembling hands. She is so tiny! Harriet is the cutest thing I have ever seen. The bandage from her eyes is taken off now but she is asleep. Subconscious tears roll down my face as I try to memorize every little crook of her beautiful face. Suddenly Harriet squirms a bit in my hands and then slowly opens her eyes. I almost choke on my own tears. Her eyes are a bright green. Just like Harry's. I can't believe this. I can't believe that I helped make such a beautiful baby. Sobbing a bit, I press a kiss to Harriet's forehead.

"Mummy loves you so much, baby Haz...so much. I promise I'll take care of you, t-that I'll be the best mother I can be...you're my everything, baby, my absolute everything. I love you so much..." I sob and Harriet gurgles at me. I chuckle at her. A tiny sniff makes me aware of everyone around. Everyone looks at me with a teary smile. "Meet Harriet Lucy Styles, guys!" I blurt happily and everyone starts cheering. Louis rushes to me and kissed my forehead. He takes Harriet from my hands cooing at her. "'M gonna be your favourite uncle, I promise. I can see myself spoiling you so bad in the future!" Louis smiles. Everyone holds Harriet once until she decides that she's had enough. I rock her back to sleep and put her in the baby carrier. We leave the hospital. There is only one place to go now. Harry.

\+ + +

I push the door to Harry's room. He is looking out of the window so he isn't facing me. I smile. "I've got you a gift, Harry," I say and Harry turns around. His eyes widen when he sees Harriet in my hands. He comes near and looks at Harriet. His eyes tear up. I can see a mix of emotion in his eyes. He steps back.

"You need to go, Hazel..." he mutters and my heart practically sinks.

"Don't push me away, Harry, not this time. Please. I love you so much darling...so much. Please, we can fix this together, we just need some time to actually get to know each other. We made so many mistakes but we can start over, we don't have to hurt like this, Harry..."

"No Hazel. It's gonna be the same. I'll hurt you again and you'll forgive me again and we'll patch up again and all that follows. I don't want to hurt you anymore. You are an independent woman and I don't want to tie you down, Olivia..."

"Please,  _astre..."_

"No, Hazel. Go. Live your life with your baby. Be happy."

" _You_ are my happy, Haz."

"Please! Go!." Harry practically shouts and I am shaken. but I don't cry. I am done crying. I tried my best, now it's upon Harry if he wants me or not.

"Fine. I'll go. I'll be on the plane to LA tomorrow. But think about this. Is it worth throwing away everything we went through, our love? Mistakes can be repaired and so can hearts. Now it's upon you if you want to fix yourself and me. It's upon you if I'll be going to LA tonight." I say and walk out of the hospital. I won't stop now. I won't stop myself from giving myself happiness. I'm moving on. Not from Harry, but from the previous me, the me who was so clingy, so dependent on Harry. Now he has to decide. It's upon him now...


	41. The End.

_...upon him, now..."_

**Harry**

And so she goes...again. But this time, though the pain in my heart is killing me, I know that this is the right thing to do. I cant keep hurting Hazel anymore. I am a broken person with a broken character and Hazel deserves so much more.

I clutch the locket around my neck.

_"Your turn." I smile and prepare myself. Hazel wipes her tears and shuffles through her bag. She brings out a long black box. She opens it. It contains a beautiful locket. It has a cross and a tiny five-point start. That looks bloody expensive._

_"This locket is the last object that a person who meant a lot to me gave me. After her death up till now, this very object has acted as hope to me. And hope is something that you need the most, a_ _stre_.  _Even in the future, whether I am there or not, I want this locket to always be with you, take my place and the most important thing, give you hope. I want to give you my heart, my love, my life. I want to give you my hope..." she says. I know how much this means for her. All that I can see in her eyes is her love and I am the happiest man on the planet. I take the delicate locket and wear it. Hazel looks up. "Mistletoe..." she whispers_.

_"I love you so much, baby girl..."_

_"You too...so much..."_

_And then we kiss._

I open my eyes as strangled breaths heave through my body. It's physically hurting to know that she'll never be mine ever again.

_My hand immediately finds its way to her tummy. It has become a habit now. I love to feel her grown stomach because it just makes me realise that there is a tiny being inside her. I know that normally you don't show when you are two months pregnant but Hazel was really thin so she has started to show, it's not much but it is there._

_One of the things that I had dreamt about was having kids with Lucy and I think that is the reason why I am getting so attached to Hazel and her baby. I wish it was not hers but was ours. I sigh._

_"Hazel, I think that the baby is going to be a girl."_

_"How do you know that, Dr Styles? Hey, it has a ring to it, doesn't it?"_

_"Believe me, I was on the way to becoming a doctor but I am terrible at studying science. And as for the baby, it is a hunch. You should name her Harriet."_

_"First of all, I am not naming the baby after you. Secondly, there is no proof that it is going to be a she."_

_"When I tell you it is a girl, it is a girl, Hazel. Plus, what is the problem with naming her after me?"_

_"Fine, I will name her after you."_

_"Pinky promise?"_

_"You are such a kid, Harry! Pinky promise. But if he is a boy, then the poor baby will have to stick with Harriet as his name, won't he?"_

_"Of course. Harriet will be the new trend then and then you will have to thank me."_

_We settled into comfortable silence again. Hazel, Harriet and me. It sounded like a perfect family. Only if it was mine..._

I could just tear my hair off right now. Every memory that comes back, stabs me right in the heart. Angry tears roll down my cheeks. I can't stop these constant swirls in my brain. I have to stop; I need move on. I look out the window. It's already past midnight. The moon shines on my face.

_Its midnight and Zayn and Niall are asleep. Hazel and I go to the kitchen to start baking our first batch of cupcakes. As Hazel is mixing the batter, I go and hug her from behind. She smiles and I kiss her cheek. She giggles._

_"Are you going to let me go?"_

_"No."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because you are very cuddly."_

_"And you are a dork."_

_"But I'm your dork."_

_"What did I do to fall in love with you, you cheesy idiot?!"_

_I freeze and so does she. She l-loves me? God, what a mess! This was not supposed to happen. I don't know...I cannot say that back. We were dating and stuff, yes but falling in love, no._

_"I-I...Hazel..."_

_"Shh. You don't have to say that back."_

_"What did I do to get someone as great as you Hazel?" I say using her own words._

_"Stop it, you are too cheesy. I will become fat with all that cheese." Hazel says and continues with the batter. I am really lucky that I have Hazel and no one else. If it was someone other than Hazel, that girl would have asked me to say that back. She would have screamed, broken up maybe. But Hazel...she is so different. She just was casual about it. She is giving me my space and I appreciate a lot. I finally let her go and watch her cooking._

_* * *_

_It's around 3:00 am and Hazel and I are on the kitchen floor eating the cupcakes we baked. Hazel is a very good cook, I have to admit that. Our second cake is already in the oven. The cupcakes are very addicting. I have almost eaten three and Hazel is still on her first one. I wonder how she can resist these simply delicious cupcakes."If you don't finish that cupcake I'm gonna finish it."_

_"Yeah and after that, you are going to go on a sugar rush which would be something I certainly do not want to see."_

_"Then eat it! The cupcake in your hands is calling out to me. It wants me to eat it, why don't you listen to it and give it to me?", I whine and she turns away facing her back towards me and sitting cross-legged, STILL NOT EATING THE DAMN CUPCAKE._

_So cute._

_So cruel._

_I tap on her shoulder._

_"Go away, peasant."_

_I sigh._

_"Knock knock."_

_"Who's there?"_

_"A hungry person."_

_"Ugh. A hungry person who?"_

_"A hungry person who desperately wants your cupcake."_

_"Gah, no! I was thinking of giving it to you but after that, you are never getting it."_

_I groan. I am dealing with such a sassy and stubborn girl. Its something that I've never done....but I'm loving it..._

I sob in my hands. This is not fair. Not fucking fair at all. Calming my breath, I lay down on the bed. Looking at the moon and feeling Hazel slip away, I settle into shallow sleep...

*******

I wake up at violent shaking. I flutter my eyes open. Through my blurry vision, I see Zayn hovering above me. "Bloody Hell!" I squeak and scramble up. Zayn sits in front of me. With much difficulty, I bring my breathing back to normal. And then study him. He's wearing just a plain white shirt and a bomber jacket; its nothing much but he looks damn good. I can see why Niall always gets all breathless when he looks at him because Zayn is made to be a model. Look I am not turning gay, but Zayn Malik is fit. What the fuck am I even thinking?

Zayn pulls me out of my thoughts by clapping his hands loudly. He is sporting a terrible look of fury on his face.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Harry Edward Styles?!!" he shouts and I flinch.

"A l-lot actually, Zayn. A whole lot of s-shit is wrong with me."

"You are fucking right. Why? Why did you let her go?"

"Because sh-she doesn't deserve me. I don't want to hurt her anymore. I have hurt her enough."

"Are you fucking crazy? You think you aren't hurting Hazel by doing this?!"

"I just want to protect her and Harriet! If I had stopped her, if I had been with her, I would have broken her again and I don't want that. I have already done too much of damage to her..."

"And you are doing much more damage by pushing her away H. Love isn't about being perfect; it's all about  _not_ being perfect yet loving your partner all the same. And Hazel is doing that. Whatever has happened between you both, Hazel has left that behind and she still continues to love you. And see yourself, Harry. Hazel told you such a big lie, she kissed me yet you still love her. Then is it worth it to let this love go?"

"I...I'm scared Zayn. I don't want to ruin this for Hazel and Harriet this time."

"And you won't Harry, believe me. As long as you both remain together, nothing can go wrong. Love this intense and true doesn't happen all the time. We never know about the future, then why not spend your present with the ones you love, huh?"

"But...what should I do now, Zayn? I am so confused and I don't even have time!"

"Hazel has just left for the airport, you can still stop her."

"Thank you, Zayn. Thank you so much fucking much because I would have never figured this shit out myself."

"Go get your girl, Styles."

"Love you, Veronica," I mutter tearing up. Zayn hugs me and I break down. This feels good. It feels right to let go yet hold on. I won't give up. Not now and not ever. I was crazy. I can't live without her and she can't live without me. I won't break us both. We can figure this out together. We'll stumble but we won't fall.

*********  
 **Hazel**

I place my head on Liam's shoulder as Louis drives the car. Liam came home at around 2 am because he couldn't stand not seeing Harriet in person. He is going to New York today.

I am tired. "I am so happy that Harriet is asleep now! She's kept me up all night. And I am dreading the flight to LA..." I mutter as Liam and Louis laugh at me. "It's not funny. Imagine having to wake up every two hours to change a nappy or just because your baby wants to be held!". I whisper-shout; I do not want to wake Harriet again.

"You've got Harriet only yesterday. Do you really want to go to LA so early? Do you need to really hurry his much?" Louis asks with a pained expression.

I give him a sad smile. "I really do wish I could stay, Lou. But I can't. I can't bear staying in the same city as Harry yet not be able to get him. If he wants me, he won't let me go. " I declare but I can still feel the stabs in my heart. What if he doesn't come? I push the thought out of my mind. Whether he comes or not, I am still leaving. I cant hold myself back anymore. I won't.

We reach the airport. I heave a sigh and we get out of the car. I strap Harriet to myself tightly through a carrier. Just as I walk towards the airport, the paparazzi start clicking. Luckily, Paul and the other bodyguards cover me easily. I hope they haven't got any photo of Harriet. Liam and I are rushed into the waiting room outside the airport. We have about just ten minutes before we HAVE to get inside the airport to start the procedures. Ten minutes for me to leave Harry forever.

At the end of ten minutes, he's still not here. I brush the tears on my cheeks and make my way out. "Hazel, stop!" I hear a shout and I freeze. I could just fall to my feet and burst into tears. But I don't. I turn around. Harry stands there with tear-streaked cheeks. He is panting and a little 'oh Harry!' slips from my lips. I get up and he comes near me. Our foreheads are touching now. He looks at me with those bloodshot eyes and I can' help but smile. There is an uncertainty in his eyes but there is also hope. He didn't give up on me. After what feels like hours, he presses his lips to mine. I didn't know how much I missed his kisses till I get one now. His lips speak everything that I want to hear from him. I can't help but kiss back. He grips my waist and pushes himself closer to me but then Harriet is strapped to me so Harry pulls back. We chuckle while there are more tears.

"I sorry. I am sorry for so many things, Hazel and the thing that is at the top of the list is that I almost let you go. I love you, baby, so much. I know I promised you a infinity and I didn't even hold you for two months. I was crazy and insecure and so damn scared of love. I fell once and I lost it. So when I fell for you and you lied, I almost died. But then, even I took you for granted. I knew you just for a month and I expected so much from you. I expected you to be...to be Lucy when you are so so much more. You are the most beautiful, the strongest and the most kind-hearted woman that I have met and I am not scared. I am not scared to love again. I want to make mistakes with you and solve them together. I love you, Hazel, and I promise that I'll never give up on you, Harriet,  _us._ Hazel Amelia Tomlinson, will you be my hope again?" he says and my heart swells. I can't believe this. "Yes yes yes, Harry! O my god, I am so happy! " I sob and he smiles. He comes over to me and presses a kiss to my forehead. I love him. Everything will be okay now. Harriet, Harry and me: we are gonna make so many mistakes but we'll be okay, cause we have our love, our hearts, each other and more than anything else, our  **hope...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sOMEONE HOLD ME I AM CRYING. Its over guys, this is the end! I can't believe this! Hope has been such a beautiful journey and I am gonna miss it so much. T'Hope' has given me hope in the darkest times of my life. I am so proud of completing this book and I am so thankful to every one of your who showed support and inspired me to keep on writing; I love you all from the deepest depths of my heart. So long guys, meet you in Infinity...  
> All the love,  
> H xxx


	42. Character Ask!

Hi! I am here to tell you some things (sorry for invading you library, by the way).

1\. I am proud to announce that the prequel to 'Hope' is coming out soon! It is called 'Infinity' (I did hint it in the previous chapter :)) and it is all about how Liam and Louis fell in love!

2\. The character ask, finally!! So I am listing the characters down here and you can comment the questions you wanna ask those characters beside their names.

Hazel

Harry

Harriet

Louis

Liam

Zayn

Niall

Emma

Noah

Gigi

Anne

Gemma

Me!


	43. Sneek Peek Of Infinity!!

Hi guys, long time no see! It's me HalizaTomran and this is to everyone who doesn't know that...

THE PREQUEL TO HOPE IS OUT!!!

So the prequel is the Lilo story and takes a flashback of three years when Liam and Louis first met. It is a bit more serious, mature and a tad bit darker than Hope. It's quite a different experience to write this story so my fingers are crossed! The name of the book is 'Infinity' and you can find it on my profile! Here's the description:-

II Book 2 II Prequel to 'Hope: A Harry Styles Fanfiction'

He slammed me against the wall of his bedroom immediately attacking my lips earning moans from me. His lips moved against me in desperation and it was rough but so soft....in short, it was just perfect. His hands trailed from my bicep down to my waist leaving butterflies behind. I felt him bite my bottom lip, begging for entrance and I granted it to him without even thinking twice. His tongue roamed in mouth and damn! I could kiss him forever. He is legit the best kisser I have ever kissed and I have kissed a lot of people. I felt myself growing more turned on as I felt his abs under his shirt. By the moments that I had already shared with him, I knew he would ask me on a date tomorrow. And that I could not afford. I pushed him away a bit and he looked at me puzzled.

"Look, Liam, I hope you know that this is gonna end right after sex; nothing more, right?" I asked him breaking myself a bit inside. I would have really really loved to date him, but I couldnt; I didn't deserve anyone like him. He looked sad as he begged me with his eyes. Damn those puppy dog eyes.

"Can't things escalate?" He asked in a small voice. I just wanted to kiss him and tell him that hell, things were already escalating. But instead, I said, "No, Liam. Things certainly cannot escalate, certainly not for me. Cause some people are meant to be loved and some are just meant to be naked. And I am one of the people who are just meant íto be physically used, whose body is only what they can give. This and only this is what I can offer. So take it or leave, Liam...."

*******

Book Two of 'Intertwined Love' series. Do not read before reading the first book: Hope

 

Also, I wanted to tell you, that however pumped I am for this book, I taking a tiny break, bUT HOLD ON I'LL BE BACK ON 25TH MARCH, 2019 SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEALED.

Hope you guys enjoy Infinity as much as you enjoyed Hope , bye!!!

Love,

H xxx


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